Local cafe owner remembers own identity transition

SAY IT LOUD | Part 2 of 3

Editor's Note:
The people sharing their stories in this series are not the representatives for any community. They only speak from their individual experiences.

Rachael Jones, owner of Rachael’s Cafe on Third Street, has come a long way from not having a four-way stop in rural Beanblossom, Ind.

Part of that transition has come from being more comfortable in her own skin as a transgendered individual, as well as ridding herself of her own prejudices.

For Jones, these prejudices were a direct result of her own “very conservative, Christian” environment.

“I completely hid Rachael Jones, who always lived inside of me, while living as a man,” she said. “I was a pretty good redneck for a while. I had a job stacking logs, and I was always such a jock.”

Jones recalled a time when she, as a man, was on a date with an ex-girlfriend and agreed to go with her to now-closed Bullwinkle’s.

“She introduced me to what I saw as a very overtly gay man, and I didn’t even shake his hand,” she said. “I couldn’t believe I was such a jerk. But I was just in denial myself, trying to prove myself as something else other than a punk.”

Jones didn’t sleep that night. She said she realized she had these feelings of having a female identity her entire life and acknowledged her bad treatment of the gay man in the bar as hypocrisy of her deepest fear: being ostracized because she is transgendered.

Thus began the emergence of a new Rachael Jones, or at least one who was comfortable with knowing her identity was something real. But even then, there was fear.

For example, when Jones opened a business in Bloomington before Rachael’s Cafe, she placed an advertisement in the paper for a technician.

Jim Todd responded, and a friendship bloomed.

“I was so afraid to tell him about Rachael, because I didn’t know what he would think,” Jones said. “I feared his very knowledge of Rachael would ruin our relationship.”

Todd grew up on a farm in Terre Haute. He said that, in comparison to Bloomington, Terre Haute, in its staunch social and religious conservatism, was a bit backward.

“I am who I am because of my religion,” he said. “I believe we’re all on the same path, we’re all here for the same purpose: to love everybody.” Todd said knowing this made it extremely easy to accept Jones as Rachael.

“My beliefs have no bearing on how I treated Rachael,” he said. “It only mattered what was in her heart, so it was exactly the same.”


More from Rachael on her experiences:

On Coming Into Her Own

“Over the last several years, I’ve really emerged into someone I’m becoming very comfortable with.”

“When I was married, my wife didn’t want to talk about anything, even though I was completely honest with her. She wanted me to change.”

“Sometimes, people think to really epitomize what femininity is, you have to dress like a prostitute.”

On Fear and Discrimination

“A while ago I wanted to take belly-dancing classes because I wanted to move more womanly. I was parked one night in front of where they were being held, and I remember being so afraid to get out of my car. And this is Bloomington for crying out loud.”

“I was so afraid of detection. I would go up to Indy on the weekends and change out my guy clothes on the way up, instead of changing at home. I didn’t even want to be seen through the car window by somebody as a man.”

“One time I was at a ball game in Brown County for my son, and I was a subject of conversation amongst people, and it was kind of frustrating. Even at my age now, I still feel like I have to live as a man just to protect my kids.”

“Gay is becoming more accepted. People are still afraid to even talk about the experiences of transgendered individuals.”

On her reception in Bloomington

“Myths about how I’d be received when opening my cafe have been dispelled since I’ve been here. I just try to give off a positive energy that hopefully won’t lend an ear to abundant discrimination.”

“An old friend gave me $10,000 to help my business after I told her about myself as Rachael and (how) my friend Jim did so much work for free. It brought tears to my eyes.”

Read the final story in the SAY IT LOUD series.