Mission, Colbert

Outer space seems horrible: weightlessness, vacuum-sealed food and diapers. I mean, I can’t even stomach a roller coaster. Escaping Earth’s gravity might be a bit too much.

But if I ever happen to make it beyond the atmosphere, I’d like a nice place to stay.

It’d have to have big windows and some sort of heater. And I’d feel like a genuine astronaut if I had the chance to use a machine that could turn my urine into drinkable water.

Though I’d find it hard to leave my friends, family and laptop, one important constant in my life could be there waiting when I arrived.

Stephen Colbert.

Or at least his name.

In February, NASA announced that it would enlist the help of the American public in naming the newest addition to the International Space Station. Currently called Node 3, the new module will be added to the station later this year. But before it’s shuttled off to space, its name will be chosen in an online election.

Following this announcement, Colbert sprung into action. Encouraging his audience members to write in his name on NASA’s voting Web site, the funniest broadcaster on television asserted that the space agency’s proposed names (Serenity, Venture, Earthrise and Legacy) sounded more like “organic teas” than space modules.

And he’s right.

This newest addition to the space station needs a name that mirrors its technological advancement and reflects its importance to the global scientific community. And what name better encapsulates ambition, confidence, gusto and character than Colbert?

Colbert’s campaign has some asking whether or not NASA will name the module after the comic if he wins. While some claim it would damage the space station’s legitimacy and international objectivity, the fact is that NASA opened the naming to public opinion. And his name is winning.

Apparently, NASA’s as desperate for attention as a certain RHA ticket (the one named for the man who can slam a revolving door). And this naming campaign is doing exactly what it was designed to do. It’s drawn greater public attention to NASA operations and projects.

If you subject something to popular approval in our American Idol culture, a) don’t be surprised when it generates buzz, b) be aware of the risk you assume and c) don’t allow a write-in option if you’re concerned with decorum.

Addressing Colbert’s meteoric rise in the polls, NASA official William Gerstenmaier encouraged people to “be creative” and “think about what they’re doing” before casting their votes.

Seems like he should take his own advice.

Maybe our national space administration shouldn’t have allowed important naming decisions to be decided by an easily-influenced and highly cynical public. Maybe Idol-style voting should not be a model for government agencies.

Organizations should be prepared to accept the consequences for their decisions.

Stephen Colbert has certainly brought joy and truth to Earth. I say give him a chance in space.