The wolves must hate America

“George W. Bush is no longer president.”

Say that phrase with me. Let it mull around in your mouth for a while. Savor it.

While you’ll be able to say that for the rest of your life – ignoring some bizarre chain of events that leads to the removal of the 22nd Amendment and him back in the White House – it won’t ever taste as sweet as right now with the bitterness of the last eight years fresh in your mind.

Today, millions stumble around the nation in an inauguration hangover. Because of this, most will miss one of Bush’s last actions of power: removing the grey wolves from the federal endangered species list.

Previous attempts to remove the wolves in both the Great Lakes and Rocky Mountain regions from protection have been shot down by the courts. The Bush administration’s new plan to put wolves in the crosshairs is frightening when you look at the numbers.

As of the last two years, population numbers put the wolves around 4,000 in the Great Lakes area and 1,500 in the Northern Rockies. Endangered species lists are based off of these numbers, with protections trying to ensure that there are enough animals around to fall in love and settle down together.

I don’t try debating the ethics of hunting with others anymore. I tried the deadly game myself as a child, clearing out a pond of cute little turtles at my uncle’s farm. It triggered a fascinating combination of emotions in me. With every shot, I felt more and more empathy for those little turtles whose presence apparently disrupted the farm.

At the same time, a sense of pride filled the Clint Eastwood in me with every bull’s-eye. For hunters, the former must be much more powerful. For an oversized child like myself, the adrenaline rush was quickly replaced with a sense of guilt. Every Aug. 2, I set a series of paper boats out into the sea in memoriam of the turtle massacre I participated in.

What’s wrong with the protection lists and the attempts to remove endangered animals is the scrutinizing of these population numbers.

When 4,000 wolves are endangered but 4,001 aren’t, that is madness. Of course this is an exaggeration, but the reality is that there are hunters who get more excited about the carnal relations of wolves than late-night Cinemax.

I can imagine these people watching wolf population charts online, fondling their rifles in participation. If you’re someone charged with helping these animals procreate, you’re not just saving a species, you’re working hard so that eventually someone else can kill them.

If the administration’s plans fall through before Bush leaves, like Karl Malone shooting a fade away from the half-court line at the buzzer, it’s likely Obama’s administration can reverse it just as quickly as Bush made it. But when considering the plight of these wolves or any other animals, perhaps a new line of thinking is needed.

If there’s debate at all over how many animals need to be spared, perhaps it’s best to give them some more breathing room.
A few extra wolves can’t hurt.