Stay in your pants

Apparently, we are living in an increasingly sexless world.

According to the Dalai Lama, the Federal Communications Commission and YouTube, sex should play a much smaller role in our lives than it does now. That means coitus, copulation, fornication, lovemaking, relations or whatever else you want to call it when two persons get under the covers without clothes on might not be as in-your-face as it has been.

The American Association of Retired People recently came out with a study claiming that even though retirees are having less sex and doing more housework, they are in fact happier and their marriages are stronger. So while the rest of us wallow in the drama caused by our copulations, our elders are enjoying their free time watching TV, sleeping, staying celibate and enjoying life.

In what might be a push to keep us all in our pants and out of the bedroom, the FCC and YouTube are cleaning up the Internet to make it a more kid-friendly environment. Everyone’s favorite time-wasting activity, YouTube, is cracking down on suggestive material by enforcing a “stricter standard for mature content.”

No longer will registered young ones who are honest enough to give their real birth date be able to access videos with sexually suggestive content. Profane videos will not show up on lists of “Most Viewed” or “Top Favorited” either. Of course this is an attempt to protect the children, but it might very well help to cut down on our libidos as well.

It is also possible that in the near future, porn, which is already prohibited on YouTube, will also be stripped off the entirety of the Internet – depending on where you access it, that is. The FCC has proposed the creation of a free wireless Internet connection across the country that would grant you access to everything the web has to offer except for the profane, which will remain off limits unless you pay for the service.

And as always the one to urge celibacy, the Dalai Lama has jumped on the no-sex bandwagon as well. In a statement to reporters, the spiritual leader said that “sexual pressure, sexual desire, actually I think is short period satisfaction and often that leads to more complication.” He also urged people to use human intelligence to overcome the desire for sex and that “too much attachment towards your children, towards your partner” was something that could get in the way of inner peace.

The evidence is mounting up. Sex, with all its implications, dangers and unknowns should be left to its baby-making purposes and shunned as a leisure activity. With all this support as to how much happier you would be celibate, don’t you think it is about time you got rid of premarital sex once and for all?

Yeah, me neither.