Waiting for tonight

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for! Nov. 4 is finally upon us. At long last, you will have the opportunity to take part in the most beautiful process of modern democracy and cast your vote.

More importantly, when you wake up on Wednesday the world will be a very different place. No longer will you have to avoid making contact with all those motivated people carrying clipboards lest you be harassed about your voter registration status.

You will once again be able to answer unknown phone numbers without the fear that it will be a well-meaning but nevertheless obnoxious volunteer reminding you that you may vote early.

The sidewalk chalk and yard signs that litter our campus and town will slowly vanish. And thank God you will not have to hear the phrase “vote or die” for another three and a half years. Oh yeah, and we’ll have elected a new president, taking us one step closer to forever ridding the White House of the abomination known as George W.

But today the election is in full swing. And all that is democracy will culminate in the events you’ve been impatiently anticipating for months: election night parties.

In case you were hoping to join in your respective candidate’s celebration (or pity party), I will offer some sound advice. Firstly, for the Republicans: If you plan to travel all the way to the Biltmore Hotel in Phoenix this evening, don’t be surprised if you make it there but John McCain doesn’t.

Unless you are among the small, hand-picked group comprised mainly of reporters who have traveled with McCain on his campaign plane, you will not be able to see McCain speak live and in person.

Instead, you will watch the same televised version the rest of us will see. McCain plans on only addressing a small press pool from the hotel’s lawn and broadcasting the post-election remarks via television to the indoor party; he has no plans to make a direct appearance in front of supporters inside the hotel. But, hey, maybe you’ll get a glimpse of Palin if you’re lucky.

Grant Park will be a slightly different atmosphere.

The venue famous for annually hosting Lollapalooza has a theoretically limitless outdoor capacity, and Chicago Mayor Daley is estimating about 1 million Obama supporters will crowd the park this evening.

But don’t be fooled into thinking that just because the party will be “free and open to the public,” getting in will be cheap. If you’re trying to get a glimpse of the $2 million extravaganza, including an enormous specially built stage, you will need a ticket. And sadly enough, the Obama campaign has ceased to issue them.

But don’t give up quite yet. Democrats from as far as Sweden, Hawaii, Texas and Canada have turned to eBay and Craigslist, offering everything from cash (as much as $200) to custom furniture painting to sex (yes, you read that correctly: sex). So if you have a special talent or questionable morals and a bit of determination, I’m sure it’s not too late to snag your ticket.

And if you’re bummed because you can’t make it to either election night party, be comforted by the knowledge that after tonight, your daily run-ins with political activists will be substantially reduced, and you will no longer have to wake up to headlines of celebrity endorsements.