A devout route

I don’t wear my iPod on my walk to class. I find eavesdropping to be much more fun.

But I’m beginning to realize that most students spend their time complaining.

It is a necessary part of life. Most gripes I hear are legit. Yes, tortellini should be served more than once a week at the Gresham Food Court; I second that motion.

I’ve found that a majority of complaints I hear are at bus stops. And most of the time, they’re about the bus system:

“Oh, my, GAWD, where is the bus?”

“It’s-so-freaking-cold-where-is-the-freaking-bus?”

“My blackberry makes me look way cooler on the bus than off it.” (I made that up).
Are these complaints justified? Somewhat.

I live off campus and spend more time than I want waiting in the stadium parking lot for an A or X bus to roll in and take me to class. The experience is almost holy.  

Each day, students line the parking lot, waiting to hear that bus rev its engine, rumble up and grace us with the sound of its squeaky brakes. That front door opens, and we finally gaze into the light at the end of the tunnel. The bus is here. Heaven has opened its gates.

Then, we get on it, and Satan’s waiting for us. The inside of most campus busses resemble hell. They’re crowded, hot and eternally slow.  

The bus system is especially irritating this year. Last summer, the IU Campus Bus Service announced a series of cuts. The A, B, D, E and X bus weekday services were reduced by 4 percent, Friday service by 16 percent and weekend routes by 61 percent. Buses are now more inefficient than last year’s IU basketball team’s defensive strategy.

But this, brothers and sisters, is an issue we can resolve. I’ve spent time observing my fellow riders, and I’ve decided that the student body is responsible for most of the problems we complain about. We can reject this hell, my friends. I’ve developed a miniature list of commandments that, if followed, will bring us to the promised land once again.

1. Thou shalt have many other means of transportation. If you are going from McNutt to the Kelly School, you can walk. The fresh air will do your hangover good.

2. Thou shalt not stop immediately upon entering the bus. The yellow line is not a finish line.

3. Thou shalt not make the driver say, “Please move back” multiple times. That is not the voice of God speaking; therefore, you don’t get to ignore it.

4. Thou shalt not enter through the back door, thus enacting the newly created “front door only” rule. Hopping through the back and high-fiving your friend doesn’t make you a rebel. It makes you an idiot.

5. Thou shalt not confuse texting with moving. Come up for air once in awhile. You can pick up on your gossip later. For now, pick up your feet.

Follow these rules faithfully and I promise you, all of us will spend a little less time dealing with the devil and a little more time off the buses.