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Look out America, I found a high-scoring hockey contest.

I found a hockey game that had so much scoring, Ron Jeremy was jealous. I found a hockey game that had so many goals, the goal judge feared his red light bulb might burn out. I found a hockey game that America always asks for. I found a hockey game where the teams netted 82 goals.

I know what you are probably thinking: “It’s the NHL offseason. Plus, no hockey game ever has that many goals. What’s the catch?”

Well, I’m glad you asked. Here’s the catch:

Catch No. 1: It was women’s ice hockey in the European Olympic pre-qualifying tournament.

Catch No. 2: The game was Slovakia vs. Bulgaria.

Catch No. 3: The final score was Slovakia 82, Bulgaria 0.

You did not read that wrong. It was 82-0. Slovakia scored 82 goals in one game to Bulgaria’s zero. Slovakia shot the black, saucer-shaped object into the back of the Bulgarian team’s net 82 times while Bulgaria was unable to get even one into the Slovakian team’s net. The red light behind the Bulgarian goalie almost caused seizures from going on and off so much while the switch behind the Slovakian goalie was never touched.

Still don’t think it’s possible? Look at the stats.

Slovakia scored a goal every 44 seconds. Slovakia scored on almost 60 percent of their shots. Slovakia outshot Bulgaria 139-0. Slovakia dominated to the point when then coach called the game “training.”

Training?

Scoring 82 goals against a team that probably never touched the puck is training? Scoring 19 goals in the first half of the first period is training? Having one of your players get three hat tricks plus one to grow on is training?

This is an Olympic pre-qualifier. Show some Olympic spirit and have some mercy on an inferior team.

When they took that 31-goal lead entering the locker room after the first period, why didn’t the coach make a few changes and let his players have some fun?

Why didn’t the coach pull a “D3: The Mighty Ducks” and let his goalie play offense and score like Goldberg did? Why didn’t the coach switch his offense with his defense? Why didn’t the coach make a rule that all five players on the ice must touch the puck twice before anyone can shoot? Why didn’t the coach put four players out and practice penalty killing? Why did the coach actually think that destroying a team would train his players?

If anything, his team probably picked up bad habits that would never fly against a real opponent.

Of course his team wasn’t the only one winning big. Bulgaria lost to Croatia 30-1 and to Italy 41-0 in earlier games.

Bulgaria must be really, really, really bad. I wonder if they can even skate?

Unfortunately my DVR didn’t record the games to find out all these answers. However, I can guarantee you one thing about the Bulgarian team: After getting outscored 192-1 for a weekend, I promise you they celebrated their goal like they had just won the gold medal.