La Liga de Futbol Americano

Hola. Como estas?

That translates in the new NFL speak to say, “Hello. What is up?”
Don’t get it?

Just ask Chad Javon Ocho-Cinco of the Cincinnati Bengals what I mean.

As the NFL kicks off tonight, there are many underlying questions we all are asking ourselves. Is Peyton Manning’s knee healthy? Is Pacman Jones ready to play (and yes I know his real name is Adam, and he wants to be called Adam, but he will always be Pacman in my book)? Can Kyle Orton really be a starting quarterback in the NFL? Who is Bill Belichick’s cameraman for the season?

All are questions that will be answered with time. But one more question must be answered by Sunday: Will the NFL allow Ocho-Cinco to put his new, legally changed last name on the back of his jersey?

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has done everything possible to clean up the NFL. He has gone so far as to implement a fan code of conduct to try to make the NFL a G-rated product. But can he prevent a player from putting his legal surname on the back of his jersey? We should find out Sunday.

First, I must applaud Ocho-Cinco for changing his name. It is genius branding and if allowed, expect his jersey sales to skyrocket. But I also must cheer for him changing his name to something that is incorrectly translated. His jersey, No. 85, translates to ochenta y cinco in Spanish. I guess because Ocho-Cinco can barely speak proper English, we cannot expect him to correctly translate English to Spanish.

However, Ocho-Cinco got me thinking. If Goodell allows Ocho-Cinco to put that on his jersey, what other names could we expect? Here are a few I came up with:

Pacman Jones – Adam Hacer Lluvia
Tony Romo – Tony Simpson
Troy Polamalu – Troy Pelo Largo (Honestly, it wouldn’t matter for Polamalu since you wouldn’t be able to read it either way.)
Michael Vick – Inmate #62145
Peyton Manning – Peyton Todos Comerciales
Chris Henry – Chris Peligro con Policia
Daunte Culpepper – Daunte Crucero de Borrachera
Onterrio Smith – Onterrio Whizzinator
Ricky Williams – Ricky Marihuana

Of course changing of names doesn’t have to stop at football. We could change Jamaal Tinsley to Jamaal Pistola or Pete Rose to Pete Apuesta. It would be revolutionary.

But it can go one step further. I am looking into legally changing my name from Mike Abrams to Mike Talento Puro before my column next Thursday.

Will the Indiana Daily Student allow Mike Talento Puro to run as my byline? I guess we will find out next week.