Dominatrices and rusty nails

As host of WIUseX on WIUX, IU’s campus radio station, I was honored to have a guest article on BDSM. I am by no means a “sexpert,” but I know my sex.

 I could talk for hours on oral, go on and on about vulvas and never shut up about kissing. But I have barely explored the dark and looming corners of BDSM. It is one of the most intimidating sexual topics, in my personal opinion. Nonetheless, for the sake of knowledge, I broke out my flashlight. 

The first thing I discovered was the meaning of the acronym. I was quite surprised to learn that BDSM didn’t actually stand for what I thought it did. I knew what it was about, or what I thought it was about, but never what it actually meant.

BDSM is a combination of a few acronyms: B and D (“bondage and dominance” or “bondage and discipline”), S and M (“sadism and masochism”), and D and S (“dominance and submission”).

The first acronym, bondage and discipline, conjures up images of whips, chains and dominatrices. A lot of what I knew about dominatrices came from media; these figures can be seen in such films as “EuroTrip,” “Tomcats” and “Shortbus.” Something I didn’t know: It is 100 percent legal to hire a dominatrix. Unlike a prostitute, a pro-domme woman is not hired to relieve her clients sexually. Her job is simply to fulfill the domination-submission fantasy with her client.

And where does this fantasy come from? With sex, often the unknown is the sexiest.
Someone who is very powerful in their day-to-day life, say a CEO or political figure, might enjoy experiencing something different in the bedroom. These domination fantasies could be fulfilled with a submissive sex position or through sadism and masochism. Sadism is the act of finding pleasure in giving pain, and masochism is the act of finding pleasure in receiving pain.

The tools for this are endless: whips, paddles, teeth – I had a friend who had some fun experiences with a rusty nail.

And although many of us think of pain and pleasure as opposites, pain and pleasure receptors are actually very closely located to each other throughout the body. It is up to our brain to sort the two out and decide which is which – and for some people, the two are more closely related than for others.

Imagine this: You suddenly hear a male voice in the other room screaming. “Ahh! Oh God!” he shouts.  Is he experiencing pain or pleasure?  We often scream during both and occasionally reference our deities. Pain and pleasure are often both so extreme that our bodies react in similar ways, so maybe it is not so strange to be able to associate them so strongly with each other.

Just because BDSM is considered a subculture, that doesn’t mean it is all completely underground. Plenty of people own a pair of fuzzy cuffs or enjoy a light spanking every now and again. Play around with control and you might find something new that you enjoy. Just remember the safe word – protection.