Magic wish list

Apparently, dogs can do magic. The New York Times recently ran an article titled “Researchers Seek to Demystify the Metabolic Magic of Sled Dogs.” It explained how dogsled dogs like the kind that compete in the Iditarod trail race and star in films such as “Snow Dogs” with Cuba Gooding Jr., are able to perform magic on their metabolisms. \nApparently, Iditarod race dogs begin the race operating with the same type of metabolism humans have, which is one that burns up energy and then causes the dogs to get fatigued. However, unlike most humans who, if competing in the 100-mile-per-day race would pull over and grab an Icee and a bag of Chex Mix from the BP when tired, the dogs change their metabolisms and somehow “go back to the same type of metabolic base you see in resting subjects” when the race is over. How do they do this? According to the article’s title, magic. \nDr. Michael S. Davis, an associate professor of veterinary physiology at Oklahoma State University and an “animal exercise researcher” (Presumably he is behind all those YouTube videos of house cats running on treadmills and comically falling off backwards?) claims that the dogs have a “hidden strategy they can turn on” that allows them to change their metabolisms. And in his opinion, humans have the same capacity: “We have to figure out how dogs are turning (the magic) on to turn it on in humans.” \nOK, let’s stop for a second. Apparently what is going on is that sled dogs have some sort of magic ability to not get tired during strenuous activity, and this Dr. Davis thinks that he can make it so humans possess the same magic. Therefore, he is saying he can steal magic from the magical and give it to the nonmagical, somewhat like Robin Hood.\nNow, I’ve been around the block enough times to know that if something is magic, you can’t learn it and have it for yourself. Why? Because it’s magic. That’s how magic works. But this doctor says he can actually defy the laws of magic – he can figure out how magic works.\nHeavy. \nIf this is all true, I would like to offer my deep, heartfelt congratulations to Dr. Davis. I would then like to ask him to reconsider his target subject. You see, as cool as the magic metabolisms are for dogs, I doubt I’ll ever find myself in a position where I need to be running 100 miles per day. There are lots of qualities that other animals possess that I consider magic as well, and better magic at that. Therefore, I would like the doctor to refocus his attention on getting me these things instead: \n1. The ability to fly\n2. The ability to change colors like a chameleon\n3. Better nighttime vision, like cats \n4. The ability to talk to animals, like Dr. Dolittle and sort of like Robert Redford in “The Horse Whisperer”\n5. The ability to walk on water \n6. The ability to disappear\n7. A Nintendo Wii