Dying chivalry

A few weeks ago, I was standing in line with one of my guy friends at the grocery store. We’d put all of our things in one cart, and at the very bottom of the cart, near the wheels, he’d stashed a pack of water bottles. As we piled our things on the counter, I asked, “Hey, can you lift up this water?” and he replied with, “Uh, can you just do it?” I heaved the water bottles onto the counter, and the cashier looked at me and asked, “Honey, did that boy just make you put that up there?” I nodded sadly. “Yes, yes he did.” And the cashier replied, “Wow. Chivalry really is dead.”\nMy guy friend laughed like this was a compliment, while I started to heavily contemplate the implications of such a statement.\nForget romance; even common decency can seem like a rare thing these days. If a guy holds a door for me, I already assume he is one of the most awesome men to ever walk this earth. When it’s seemingly impossible to walk down the street without having a guy shout out of his car window, the standards can be lowered to extreme lows. Instead of men riding in to slay the dragon, we accept men who slay the record for belching. Instead of flowers, we accept a six-pack of Keystone Light. Instead of a nice dinner out, you both can split your meals at Taco Bell. \nThere are certain implications of chivalry that I’m happy to see aren’t necessarily fulfilled. Men shouldn’t be expected to pay for meals all the time (although every once in a while shouldn’t hurt; the same is true with the girl paying for the guy occasionally). Being chivalrous can include all these horrible masculine stereotypes of men needing to be strong and needing to protect and save women. This in turn implies that women must be weak and need protecting. And you know me: The eternal gender-rights advocate does not support any of that.\nBut that doesn’t mean that a little common decency should be so much to ask. We don’t need a pat on the butt in a bar. We shouldn’t have to settle for that as the big romantic gesture of the night when we go out. When I go out on the weekends and meet a nice guy who actually wants to talk and doesn’t automatically come up to every girl there like they’re pieces of meat, I think it’s my lucky day. And that’s very sad because most guys aren’t like this. It’s just the one or two that somehow show up at every party and make everyone uncomfortable that can ruin it for the whole bunch. The romance I’m talking about doesn’t have to be saying grandiose pick-up lines or spending a bunch of money. All it takes is being kind — that’s it. And that kindness may end up getting you farther than you expected (no pun intended). \nWhile I don’t mind lifting water bottles — my arms are strong enough for it — an offer to help out would have been appreciated. It’s not about being weak or strong. It’s just about being a nice person who is considerate of others. And in such a misogynistic society, being considerate of women is something that’s always needed.\nSo although chivalry may be dead, kindness and common courtesy do not have to be.