Walking the line

Last week was pretty bad for me. The men’s basketball team snapped their home winning streak, my man John Edwards dropped out of the presidential race and Ann Coulter – the poster child of anti-liberalism – announced she would support Hillary Clinton if John McCain gets the Republican nomination because, as she says, Clinton is “more conservative than he is.” At first I thought, “Well, that’s great news for the Democrats.” The woman who has made a living off of bashing what she calls the godless “Church of Liberalism” supports a Democratic candidate over a withered, white Republican. Now more than ever, Democrats would definitely not get the moderate vote.\nAfter all, on the Web site hahmed.com, a message was posted to all site visitors: “There is no bigger reason NOT to vote for Hillary other than the fact that Ann Coulter would support Hillary Clinton if she were up against John McCain!!!!” I thought this could worry a Hillary fan because I know how many people’s votes are determined by the voice of an underground media outlet. Right. Really, if someone’s vote is swayed by a Web site that has “Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery” heading every page, then he’s probably too high to go vote, anyway. Or he’s too angry to care. Either way, no worries there.\nAnother shocking development put temporary damper on my spirits – I read that Edwards endorsed McCain. But after scrambling for more details about this on sites a bit more reputable than scrappleface.com, where I originally found this information, I realized that this was in fact a joke. The “most gullible of the year” award was this close to going to me. John wasn’t endorsing John.\nBut it would be cool if he did. Coulter’s support of Hillary shows that party lines are fading this campaign season, and Edward’s support of McCain could blur it even more. After all, when it comes to making cutthroat decisions, American presidents are one in the same. Obama may claim “I was opposed to this war (in Iraq) from the start,” but we can’t expect to believe he wouldn’t have reacted with the military force after Sept. 11, 2001. And Romney says if he’s elected, he’ll vouch for a $30 to $40 billion increase in military funding annually “over the next several years” in order to modernize and strengthen our military. That will go over well with everyone.\nSo, really, no matter who carries his or her bobble-head doll into the Oval Office next year, there will be shrouds of critics awaiting them. Maybe it took some endorsements across party lines (okay, one real and one fantasy) to help me see more clearly (through the domino thought process that is my mind) that a president is a president is a president.\nSo, Ann Coulter: Say you love Hillary. And John Edwards: Run as McCain’s vice president. He needs a strapping young sidekick to loosen him up, anyway.