Monster Love

With Valentine’s Day coming up, we are again confronted by one of the holiday’s perennial problems: the fact that, as a symbol for romantic love and the face on countless pieces of Valentine’s-related merchandise, Cupid profoundly and wholeheartedly sucks. \n It’s not really Cupid’s fault. The original Roman myth about him and his love for the mortal Psyche is a beautiful tale of rebellion against unjust authority, kindness, fear, distrust and redemption. But somehow, in the course of Christianity’s rise, Cupid became conflated with the Old Testament concept of cherubim (a particular rank of angels). Then, during the Renaissance, cherubim became further confused with the artistic depiction of “putti” – pudgy, naked, winged babies meant to represent innocent souls. The result being that the once-dashing Cupid was reduced to looking like something you’d imagine yourself being attacked by after a night spent watching “Kids Say The Darndest Things” and drinking shots of Windex.\nIt’s time for a new Valentine’s symbol: a modern symbol, a romantic symbol, a symbol that speaks to us. But symbols often take ages to build. Better to repurpose an established one. And Halloween has loads of symbols that are only somewhat affiliated with the holiday (witches, ghosts, devils, vampires, etc.).\nThus, for Valentine’s Day, I nominate a new mascot: Frankenstein’s monster.\nYou look skeptical. How could a monster created by sewing together bits of corpses stand for the most romantic holiday of the year? Well, the monster is more than the sum of his parts.\nFor one thing, his story is one of tragic love. Cast into a world that fears and hates him, abandoned even by his creator, he searches endlessly for that one person who will understand him, the one person who will be his companion despite looking like a crazy quilt made of green leather: his mate. He’s an unlucky schlub seeking true love. Who can’t relate to that? Cupid, meanwhile, is what? A sniper in a diaper.\nAlso, thanks to his origins, the monster knows all about the strange things that happen when humanity and technology collide. Will Cupid understand the significance of changing your Facebook profile’s relationship status? I think not.\nAnd, as with many of us, the monster has trouble expressing what he feels. Who hasn’t looked into a significant other’s eyes and been unable to think of anything better than “Mrahh!?” But this means that he keeps the most important things simple. As he himself says in “Bride of Frankenstein,” “Alone: bad. Friend: good!”\nMoreover, just like everyone, the monster fears being burned (“Fire: bad!”). \nBut despite his cold skin, his heart is filled with electricity. And in spite of all the world’s cruelties – rejection, loneliness, villagers with pitchforks – it beats on.\nCupid has it wrong: love isn’t like being shot by an arrow. Rather, it sneaks up on you, grips hold and shakes you, hard – it rages and knocks your castle down around your ears. And let’s not even get into what it does to your brain.