Forget thyself

If you are a sophomore, junior or senior, I find it safe to assume that you spent your winter break relaxing and spending time with family and friends back home. You probably took in a movie or two, ate nice home-cooked meals and enjoyed your time off. If you are a freshman, I presume you spent the break lying awake at night wondering what the hell you were thinking last semester. \nThat’s right, freshman X. It wasn’t just you. It’s a well-known fact among upperclassmen that the first semester of college is completely nuts. Sure, you were warned that you or some of your friends might “go crazy” with drinking and partying. That was expected. Other things that transpired were not so expected. Other things that, at the end of the semester, left you thinking, “Who am I?” and feeling cold and alone in your own skin. \nFor example, I joined the Ultimate Frisbee team. If this does not seem immediately strange to you, please note that I am the type of person whose free time is generally and most happily spent indoors writing, reading and looking at Web sites that feature daily cat photographs. Another example: I entered a serious relationship with a graduate student six years my senior – after knowing him for one week. \nOne friend of mine worked a part-time job at Spencer’s Gifts. Another made new friends on her floor in Read by encouraging them to drape her small frame around their necks and chests and carry her around “like a monkey.” \nFor whatever reason, many individuals who seemingly knew themselves perfectly well in high school come to college and immediately get lost. As a result, they behave in ways that are completely out of character. Perhaps it is the allure of a “fresh start” or the promise of new friends that does this to us. My personal theory, though, is that it’s because nobody knows exactly what to expect when they arrive at college. \nAssumptions must be made, and they are inevitably wrong. And usually pathetic. \nUpon arriving at IU freshman year, my suitcase contained, among other things, my prom dress (“Maybe I’ll meet a cute guy who wants to take me on a fancy date! With dancing!”); both Boggle and Scattergories (“Dorm fun with new friends! We’re so gonna order pizza and stay up late.”); a skateboard (“I’ll learn at college — maybe I’ll meet a cute guy who wants to teach me! With dancing!”); water balloons (?); and face paint intended rodeo clowns. \nSigh. We’ve all been there. \nFreshmen, I encourage you to completely forget about last semester and dismiss it as a dream or trance. Nothing will come from dwelling on it, besides insanity and/or tears. Trust me. I know from experience. \nOther freshmen, if you were unable to relate to this column and found yourself happy, confident and settled last semester, then, uh ... same here. I was just kidding about all that ... because I’m cool. See you at the fraternities on Saturday? Skinny jeans are still in, right? Let me know. I’m gonna wear them if they are. Kthnxbye.