Wishing ‘n’ wanting

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth,” or so goes the old holiday jingle, covered by such renowned performers as Mariah Carey, George Strait and Alvin and the Chipmunks. \nGosh, I love Christmas. \nThere are few holidays around, religious or national, that have the ability to bring together groups as eclectic as Strait, Carey and the other performers mentioned above – furry and potentially rabid woodland creatures. \nBut whether it’s melodically proclaiming one’s need for oral fixtures to aid in the chewing process or fruitlessly hinting at every adult in sight your need for a Red Rider BB Gun, (“You’ll shoot your eye out!”), the Christmas season always seems to boil down to one thing: wanting and wishing. Actually that’s two things. Crap. Well, I’m in the social sciences – we don’t care much for numbers in this ivory tower, but we do make a good profession of judging other people.\nBut I digress.\nThe point is, this time of year inevitably lends itself to focus not only on giving and charity, but some form of self-interest. Whether our wish be a new Xbox 360 or some shallow request like peace on Earth (lame), it’s safe to say the majority of us give at least some thought during the season to something we want. \nTake, for example, my recent visit to Santa Claus, who happened to be at the mall.\nSanta: HO, HO, HO. What do you want for Christmas, little boy?\nMe: I’m not a little boy. And you’re not the real Santa.\nSanta: Well, what would you like for Christmas?\nMe: I’d like for you to rinse your mouth with Listerine. I can smell the whiskey on your breath.\nSanta: (HICCUP) I don’t know what you’re talking about.\nAnd then he passed out. Talk about good tidings of great joy!\nRegardless of Santa’s penchant for a stiff drink, our interaction still required me to speak of a personal want. Fortunately, I searched through Santa’s pockets for loose change while he slept away his intoxication. Although I found no money (cheap bastard), I did find a Christmas wish list containing items requested by a few notable individuals. Here’s a sampling:\nPresident Bush – A new Congress or a time machine. He’d also like a new ball of yarn.\nHillary Clinton – Less testosterone. She’s getting tired of beating up all the males around her.\nIU President Michael McRobbie – A board of trustees that makes and enforces practical University-wide policies. He also requests a number of signs that say “No Smoking on Campus: Sorry, it wasn’t my idea.” \nThere you have it. Whether you’re the president of the University or the president of the United States, everyone has at least a primal personal wish this holiday season. Let’s hope that red-nosed, lush Santa Claus wakes up in time to deliver.