Sentimental Hoosiers

Columnists tend to fit into categories. I myself probably fall under the “angry liberal woman.” I’ve seen all kinds of columnists, ranging from the “sports pundit” to the “narcissistic neo-con” to the “tree-hugger” to the “religious right-wing dude,” morph into the “sentimental Hoosier”category right around the time they graduate – writing columns about their successes, failures, regrets and hopes for the future. Graduation is two years away for me, but upon arriving back to Bloomington for my junior year at IU, I’ve found my “angry liberal woman” self melting into a “sentimental Hoosier.”\nFreshmen have a million papers, e-mails, meetings and flyers thrown at them; which all basically say one of two things – “Don’t become an alcoholic and die choking on your own liquor-induced vomit” or “Rah Rah! Go IU!” While I agree with both of those statements, I don’t think mass-produced marketing materials do much justice to the experiences new students will have over the next four years. You don’t have to be three weeks away from graduation to realize your successes and failures or to develop a general appreciation for IU. \nSo here I am, unceremoniously presenting some vital information for all you new freshmen.\nLesson No. 1 – Don’t party like your life’s goal is to end up in rehab with Lindsay Lohan. Last year around this time, everyone had a good laugh at the expense of several freshmen with questionable decision-making skills. One kid was found passed out in his underwear inside an academic building. How? I don’t know, but it was still funny. A freshman girl was taken to the hospital because she passed out after drinking, then tried to jump out the hospital window to avoid a police citation. That’s not a good way to start the year.\nLesson No. 2 – Don’t become a dorm hermit. We all know that the idea of a 48-hour Halo marathon complete with meal-point-purchased junk food and no showers may appeal to a good number of the class of 2011’s young men, but don’t do it. It won’t do any wonders for your grades or your social life, and everyone in your dorm will start calling you “caveman” or “greasy video-game kid.”\nLesson No. 3 – Sweatpants + dorm food = fatty fatty freshman. Let me put it to you bluntly: Your dorm food choices are basically either cold salad or golden-fried lard puffs with a side of lipids and some cholesterol sauce. Pair that with an endless wardrobe of IU T-shirts and sweatpants, and you won’t realize how much you’ve ballooned up until you go home and your mother shrieks in horror.\nLesson No. 4 – Live it up. I know it’s cliche, and I know you’ve heard it a million times, but these really will be the best four years of your life. Don’t be afraid to take risks, stretch your boundaries, push yourself and grow as a person. That is what IU is all about.