Deodorant dilemma

There are so many situations in life that make me feel defeated. When I’m ascending the steps of Ballantine Hall on my way to the third floor, I often find myself losing the will to keep going and am tempted to collapse midstep in surrender to the stampede. When I accidentally pull the cord on the bus a stop too early and everyone stares at me when nobody gets off, I want to crawl inside of myself and explode. But there is one place in life where I push aside all self-doubt and understand with complete confidence that I can truly be whoever I want to be: the deodorant aisle at Target. \nTwo months ago I entered the aisle on the noble quest for an antiperspirant. The first scent I picked up was entitled “Genuine.” “Genuine?” I asked out loud, in a skeptical manner. I’m all about sincerity, but body odor isn’t exactly the area where I want to be genuine. My arm pits genuinely smell like a combination of sweat and arm pits. Honesty was not my goal so I put it back. \nNext I picked up “Ambition.” “Ambition,” I thought pensively, “I could use some of that in my life.” I smelled the sealed plastic container and it smelled a lot like a plastic container. Nevertheless, I suddenly envisioned myself as the head of a large company with a myriad of workers reporting to me, all of whom secretly envied me but also respected me fiercely because they knew I deserved everything I had gotten. In this fantasy I was the essence of success – independent and powerful but also gentle and modest in a way that is uniquely feminine.\nI bought Ambition and for the next month I arrived to all my classes 10 minutes early and even finished all my laundry before I ran out of clothing. \nLast week I went back to Target to restock and found that Target no longer carries Ambition. (My grades have dropped considerably. Also, last month I over-zealously signed up for dozens of organizations and never followed through but am now stuck on countless mailing lists). \nIn my new search I came across a scent called “Optimism.” “That’s stupid,” I thought, “How can deodorant make you optimistic? It is probably a farce. It probably reeks with the stench of naivety.” \nFinally I settled on “Spanish Rose,” because as I held the container in my hand I saw myself dancing, timid but beautiful, captivating the attention of a circle of very handsome and well-to-do men. And also, I had these amazingly rhythmic hips that shook like peaches from a tree to the melodious notes of a Spanish guitar.\nEach morning the invisible solid rolls onto my pits like a reminder of everything I want to be this month: sexy and mysterious, wild but innocent. The day that I stop living up to the promise of the name of my deodorant is the day I will need to rethink the way I’m living.