Sensational stabbings

There are some things covered in “Being a Person 101” we’ve all learned, one way or another, that you just don’t do. Don’t include Foreigner in your favorite music on Facebook. Don’t make your TV debut on “To Catch a Predator.” Don’t take Britney Spears’ advice on the intricacies of time travel on YouTube.\nBut most of all, kids: Don’t stab your lawyer.\nApparently Boston native Che Sosa missed class that day. While testifying in court on account of nine aggravated rape charges, Sosa exercised pristine judgment by deciding it was a good time to stab his lawyer in the face.\nI mean, if I had nine counts of rape against me and a lawyer were trying to keep me out of jail, I’d definitely stab him in the face. \nWhen Sosa was reunited with the courtroom two days after the offense, he reportedly taunted both his ex-lawyer and the judge on the bench with grinning comments such as “I’m baaack” and “You still breathing?” The stabbing victim was actually Sosa’s second lawyer on this case; the judge has ruled that if the third lawyer drops out, he’ll be forced to represent himself in court against the rape charges. Since then, the previous judge has stepped down from the case and has offered to testify as a witness in any future litigation. The new lawyer has postponed the trial until May for preparation, and is taking time now to attempt the impossible task of finagling an argument that somehow logically makes Sosa out to be even a remotely OK dude.\nAs for now, the state police and sheriff’s deputies escorting Sosa to and from the courtroom are adorned with more protection than a seventh-grade sex-ed video, including chest armor, helmets and face shields. \nMaybe he was just weighing his pros and cons. Let’s be honest – if he’s already facing nine counts of rape, the marginal cost of throwing up a side of stabbing isn’t all that bad. Or maybe his lawyer just sucked. We can’t really blame him for thinking, “Well, you’re not going to get me out of this. I might as well stab you in the face.” Or then again, perhaps he was simply capitalizing on the fact that his name is Che – you’ve got to be a pretty uncool guy in the prison scene if your name is Che and you don’t even have “stabbing” on your resume. He’s just a go-getter.\nThen again, a more noble effort probably could have been made in striving to be a “go-getter” in a category other than the seedy prison social pyramid. But this is America. To each his own.\nThe lawyer who suffered the stabbing was quoted later as saying that it was the first personal attack he’d experienced in 32 years of practice, and he described Sosa’s actions as “unique.”\nIf by unique he meant bloody fantastic, then yes. I couldn’t agree more.