Laundry is awkward

As you walk to the laundry room of your dorm with your detergent in one hand and three weeks worth of dirty laundry squeezing out of your mesh bag in the other, I hope that you also carry with you a high tolerance for awkwardness. Because doing laundry in the dorms is about as comfortable as grinding against strangers on the A bus on rainy days.\nThe laundry day experience is immediately awkward because of what you’re wearing. Your mom does not go to college, so your laundry is only getting done today because your only other option is to literally go to your next class naked. You can spot me when I’m headed for the laundry room because I’m wearing my charcoal pants (used to be my favorite pair of jeans until ruined by an art project), my study sweater (comfortable for studying in the room but too frumpy and grandma-esque to wear in public) and my Halloween socks (unless it’s October, in which case I’m just being festive).\nTransferring clothes from the washer to the dryer is always a sticky situation because that is no short distance. If you’re anything like me, you overestimate how much of your clothing you can carry in your arms in one trip. You are soon reduced to peeling your wet socks, which are now covered in a very funky variety of lint, off of the unforgiving cement floor. To those watching this transfer, Victoria’s Secret is obviously out.\nOne’s true character is revealed when every dryer is full at the desired time of transfer. There are two kinds of people in this world: the cowards who stand idly by and wait this out, and those who aren’t afraid to get elbow-deep in a stranger’s delicates for the sake of convenience. I am the second kind – I am a shameless mover of other peoples’ clothing.\nBut that doesn’t mean I’m not defensive when others move my things. A few months ago my roommate and I combined some of our clothing to run a load. When we returned to our dryer 30 seconds late, we found our clothes already in a heap on the table while some guy hurriedly tossed his things into the dryer where they had been. I’m sure he had been praying that he’d be out of there long before we showed up. I’ve been that guy before. But as I said, that doesn’t make me forgiving.\nWe decided to have some fun with him. My roommate walked over to our pile of clothes and began digging through it. \n“Someone stole my rubber bra!” she exclaimed.\n“My G-string is missing too!” I shouted, “Some sicko moved our clothes and stole our underwear!” \nLaundry Boy glanced around nervously, threw the rest of his clothes into the dryer and literally ran out, turning around briefly to expose to us a look of complete terror.\nThe bottom line is that if you can’t handle awkwardness, you shouldn’t be doing laundry in a dorm.