My campus too

Keep your arms inside the bus. Never touch a hot stove. Always peek over the fence before jumping over. The Socratic method be damned, it's the instinct for self-preservation that teaches children, adults and whole communities not to repeat the same mistakes twice. Unfortunately, some people learn too slowly and some people never learn at all. Cue the "nanny state." \nA nanny state can be thought of in two ways: progressive regulations that improve the larger community and promote the greater good. Citing research that talking on the phone while driving impairs reaction time at least as much as alcohol, 28 states have enacted legislation restricting the use of cell phones while driving. Most laws labeled a product of the nanny state are, however, an attempt by elected officials to legislate an individual's lifestyle by controlling his or her habits, pastimes and customs. State senator Carl Krueger wants to fine New Yorkers $100 for crossing the street while using an iPod or other electronic devices including video players and cell phones, according to an article in the New York Times. \nTwo weeks ago IU Nanny in Chief Adam Herbert announced a plan to purge the entire University system of filthy, stinking cigarette smokers by October 2008. "This is about the health and well-being of students, faculty and staff at Indiana University," Herbert told trustees in February.\nThat's not at all what the ban is about. We smokers are well aware of the risks associated with smoking: heart disease, cancer, emphysema and even blindness. But that's my problem, not IU's. The state of Indiana is proposing to increase taxes to pay for the public health costs, and that's fine. But the University doesn't treat squat. Not the chronic cough or yellow nails -- it doesn't even provide nicotine gum. \nWe know the damage that cigarettes do, we're all D.A.R.E. graduates. It's just that the severity of the damage doesn't outweigh the pleasure: stress relief, oral fixation, communal interaction, whatever. Stupid, perhaps, and contrary to the instinct for self-preservation, but in COAS we call that "critical reasoning." In Kelly it's known as "opportunity cost," sacrificing one's final bedridden days for a little extra life up front. If the University isn't willing to let us grow from our own mistakes, then it should live up to its academic and institutional commitment to let us weigh our own options. \nThe ban is about exploiting a position of authority to eliminate a perceived inconvenience. The problem with the 30-foot rule -- more than enough distance to dissipate the smoke -- is that there's no one to enforce it anyway. Experience says the new plan won't work either, so let's compromise, Mr. Herbert. We're both students of the liberal arts and members of the "IU family" (according to the biography on the president's Web site). Let's work this out together -- maybe designated smoking zones.\nSmokers are already banned from lighting up indoors, we stand in the cold and rain in order to accommodate you nonsmokers, and in return you steal our ashtrays. Maybe you'd rather feast on my firstborn son instead.