ONLINE ONLY: Frosty Faux-Pas

As a high school senior trying to make a decision about which college to attend, I made the horrendously boring four-hour car drive from Chicago to Bloomington. \nFor three hours of it, the view outside the window was corn, occasionally dotted with a decrepit pick-up truck or van with a "for sale" sign.\nNonetheless, it was worth it to make it to IU because, as even the most die-hard Purdue fans will admit, IU is an incredibly beautiful campus. \nThat particular weekend it was made even more beautiful by freshly fallen snow.\nLittle did I know how much I would grow to hate winter at IU. \nEveryone can agree that it's no picnic waiting for a bus in snow, sleet and hail. Some people might agree that the urge to punch the spoiled brain-dead daddy's girls who refuse to move to the back of the bus despite the bus driver yelling "Move on back!" is equally strong this time of year. \nMove back, bitch, before I step on your Ugg boots!\nI'm not quite sure I comprehend the winter attire of many of my fellow students. What inspires Bobby Fratboy to venture outside in nothing but a hoodie with some greek letters on it on a day when the high is 17 degrees? Good one, Delta dumbass. Oh, but it's OK, because he puts mittens on and puts his hood up. Ah, the ingenious skills you learn in the Boy Scouts and frat houses. \nIU women, though they tend to wear coats, aren't immune from criticism either. Some of them find that, in order to stay warm, the thing to do is wear fur boots (that somehow manage to end in stilettos) paired with a Baby Phat coat that starts at their ribs but is nonetheless poofy (lest you dare think it won't keep you warm). Good job, ladies. I bet you have the most frostbite-free rib cages out there! \nMy second favorite brand of IU snow bunny would be the pseudo-bohemian urban wannabe latte-sippers. \nThey can usually be spotted with a long coat of a unique color that, for fashion purposes, is left unzipped or unbuttoned, flapping in the 12-degrees-below-zero wind chill. They pair this with 4.5-foot-long scarves draped around their necks and upper-torso in ways that were previously deemed unimaginable. Did I mention it's, like, vintage? And really cool? \nOn their hands they have gloves with the fingertips cut out (again, why?) and they're carrying lattes. Everywhere. Always. Do they ever run out? \nNo! 'Tis a magical winter world where the scarves are long and free and the Starbucks floweth generously! \nI've always wondered how they manage to float from class to class being bombarded by Arctic blasts, in their unzipped coats, without ruining their perfectly arranged squidlike scarves while balancing a messenger bag on one shoulder, with latte in-hand. \nI'll take being frost-free over fashionable any day. You can spot me easily on campus, I'm the walking poofy marshmallow with a purple hat. But I bet I'm warmer than most!