America's greatest rock 'n' roll band

Throughout an epic career, people have labeled The Rolling Stones "The World's Greatest Rock and Roll Band" or to a lesser extent "England's Greatest Rock and Roll Band." Indeed, Mick and the boys have proven themselves time and again by outlasting their peers for the last four decades. And they don't show any signs of weakness from indulging in the rock 'n' roll lifestyle. \nI am not here to argue for or against The Stones' heavyweight status. I am here to try to answer the question that leaves us restless at night: Who is America's greatest rock 'n' roll band? If England and all of planet Earth can praise a band like The Stones, why can't we? After all, America gave birth to rock 'n' roll! I don't know about you folks, but I am sick and tired of being the underdog. \nSo why have The Stones never been challenged, you ask? The answer lies in the fact that very few American bands have risen to such juggernaut stardom. When I say other English bands, I refer to The Beatles, Led Zeppelin and The Who. They're the only viable competitors who have protested The Stones' claim to the throne. But alas, The Stones have weathered the test of time. And now it's time to discuss key players in America's rich rock 'n' roll history to send to this international cage match. \nIn order to keep this selection process sane, I will maintain a list of criteria. For instance, the title in question is "America's Greatest Rock and Roll Band," not artist. If individual artists were allowed to compete to become "The World's Greatest Rock and Roll Band," The Rolling Stones would be lucky to finish in the Top 10. In that scenario, someone like Ray Charles or Eric Clapton might take the cake, or maybe Meatloaf. So having established that rule, I must throw a whole gaggle of choices out the window: Elvis, Bob Dylan, Jimi Hendrix, Paul Simon, Bruce Springsteen, Billy Joel, John Mellencamp (sorry Hoosiers) and Prince. The concept of a band dictates that all members or at least most members contribute to the music. This camaraderie influences a band's performance and image, defining it as a democracy. At the end of a concert, fans want to see Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Ron Wood and Charlie Watts take a final bow. Fans don't care to see Mick pull a T.O. and pretend to fall asleep on the microphone after performing "Brown Sugar" while the rest of his bandmates awkwardly watch with embarrassment. You get the point.\nLet's move on to the next precedent. In the music industry today, staying power is rare. A great rock 'n' roll band despises the immediate gratification of a "one-hit wonder." On the contrary, it rises to fame through years of grueling life on the road and endless hours negotiating with managers and record execs. An impressive catalogue of music is a must to attain the coveted title of "America's Greatest Rock and Roll Band." Additionally, the music itself must be written using a delicate combination of style, art, attitude and sound. Therefore, let me cast away the next round of applicants: Kiss, Van Halen, The Beach Boys and The Eagles. Sure, this eclectic group of bands produced some good tunes, but they basically wrote about one topic. Kiss and Van Halen love the groupies; The Beach Boys love the waves and the girls; and The Eagles, well, I think The Dude speaks for all of us: "I fucking hate The Eagles, man." \nNow I would like to dispense of a few bands which, however well-loved they might be, are too marginal to be embraced by America as a whole. The Band is too folkie; The Grateful Dead is too jammy; and Fleetwood Mac is too married or involved with each other. \nFinally, I have narrowed the list of nominees to nine. These bands can rock your socks off during one song, and they can turn around and compel you to hold a lighter to the air during another. In no particular order, we have Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Aerosmith, Talking Heads, R.E.M., Nirvana, The Doors, Guns N' Roses and Pearl Jam. \nImmediately, however, I must eliminate Nirvana, Guns N' Roses and Pearl Jam. Yes, all three bridged the gap between old and new generations of rock, but for a band to carry the torch for America, our parents and elders must accept and support its music. \nTo keep this argument rolling, let's get rid of Lynyrd Skynyrd because Confederate flags still fly at their concerts, and frankly, it's the 21st century, not 1865. The Doors were probably the first true great American rock 'n' roll band, but let's be honest, Jim Morrison was a nut job. He mesmerized audiences, but he couldn't charm them with wit like Mick Jagger. Aerosmith's tendency to sell out weakens its chances. And although R.E.M. continues to release reliable albums today, they spent the better part of a decade trying to gain that mass following. \nAnd then there were two. Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers vs. Talking Heads. Although Tom Petty is an easy favorite, I'm going to go with the upset and choose Talking Heads. It's not so much what Tom Petty and his gang don't offer; it's what David Byrne and his gang bring to the table. Talking Heads proved to be a dynamic quartet, constantly rethinking the way they made music. They stitched together forms of punk, funk, blues and even world to create a diverse rock tapestry. Ever--important in America, as a symbol of independence, Byrne took over as producer after Brian Eno left in 1983 and demonstrated creativity and integrity. Furthermore, Talking Heads' depth is rarely acknowledged. Eight albums in 11 years plus breakthrough concert performances (see Stop Making Sense) made for a very innovative band. \nWell there ya have it, folks. Bring on The Stones. Who will prevail? It's gonna be a barnburner. In the end, I believe "Psycho Killer" will triumph over "Street Fighting Man"