We're so vain

We bet you think this column is about you, don't you? Don't you? If you're reading this (and you're not Koko the gorilla), we'd be willing to bet you're a human being, a Homo sapien. One of several billion identical members of a species with two eyes, a nose and a mouth. Congratulations. With this in mind, what makes you (or us) any more special than anyone else? Not a thing.\nGrowing up, we're all told we're unique, just like snowflakes. Fine. To a degree, we are. The problem with this is that, as children, we believe our unique attributes cast the rest of the human race into normalcy. We think our uniqueness sets us apart (and by consequence above) everybody else. \nSo what? What's so wrong with every individual thinking he or she is special? On the surface, we would say nothing, but unfortunately, too many of us believe special means better. When we think we're better than others, we tend to elevate ourselves onto a pedestal from which we look down on the rest of the population. This leads to situations that annoy everyone else in the world.\nFor example, cell phones ringing in class. Showing disrespect to both the teacher and the other students is a good way of saying you think your personal matters are more important than every single other two-eyed, one-nosed, one-mouthed human being in that classroom. Don't get us wrong, we are sure it is cool that one of your friends got drunk and tried to pay the delivery driver with socks, but perhaps this tidbit of information could be shared at a time other than the middle of the lecture with 100 other people who don't care about you or your friend.\nOther common and less-subtly arrogant actions are the "My major is going to land me a giant starting salary" or "My major is more difficult than yours" comments. At the end of the day, a bachelor's degree from IU is a bachelor's degree from IU. \nWe normally have two reactions to this arrogance. The first is believing the other person is so obnoxious that we are better than them, leading to counteracting their arrogance with our own arrogance and contributing to a never-ending spiral. The second reaction is a strong desire to commit random acts of violence (luckily this isn't option common practice). \nThe conclusion we have come to is that being just a little more humble can go a long way toward making everyone else's life a little more enjoyable. \nIf you get one message from this column, let it be this: You already know we're great; give the other "special" (i.e. less-talented) columnists in the paper a chance. Maybe they have something important to say -- but we doubt it. If you get two messages from this column, let the second one be this: If your cell phone is going to ring in class, at least choose a better ringtone.