Kinsey Confidential

QUESTION: I am dating a man with a quite large (8-8.5 inches, but not any wider than average) uncircumcized penis. Aside from the usual difficulties of uncircumcised penises and condoms, his size seems to be an issue. Are there any condoms that are good for large, uncircumcised guys? He says condoms just don't work for him and I guess I want to offer options that might work rather than just accept the "I don't use condoms" line. Can you recommend any special condoms for our situation? \nANSWER: First -- and I'm sure you realize this -- but you never, ever have to accept the "I don't use condoms" line. A perfectly reasonable response is "I don't have sex with men who don't use condoms." It is your body and your health and, unfortunately, women are more prone to getting sexually transmitted infections from men than men are from women, not to mention the possibility of pregnancy. If you want to use condoms, you can. If he wants to have sex with you, the two of you can brainstorm a way to make it comfortable for both of you. Good for you for seeking out some solutions that meet his need for comfort and your need for safer sex. \nWhile the larger sized condoms (think Magnum, Magnum XL, ONE Condom Bigger) might work, they are actually not all that much bigger than standard sized condoms. However, TheyFit condoms -- which come in 55 sizes - can be ordered to fit the length and circumference of a man's erect penis. To learn more, visit www.condomania.com, download and print the Fit Kit (or request that one be mailed to you via their web site), and see whether this is an option that interests you two. TheyFit condoms are currently available in latex only, so if you or he has a latex allergy then this would not be a wise option and you would be better off with a polyurethane condom, which some feel is a little roomier than a standard condom as well. It is also worth noting that some uncircumcised men find that they prefer condoms that are roomier at the head of the penis such as the Inspiral or Twisted Pleasure condom varieties. \nWhile condom choice can play an important role in condom comfort and safety, there are some steps that you and he can take to improve condom performance and enjoyment. First, make sure that you both brush up on the proper way to use a condom (information can be found inside condom boxes and at www.plannedparenthood.org). Before you skip this step, consider the fact that most adults have at least occasionally made mistakes in using condoms -- for example, not leaving room at the tip of the condom for ejaculation; leaving pockets of air in the condom that could pop it like a balloon; or using an inappropriate lubricant with latex condoms that might cause breakage. \nWhen it comes to circumcision, it is true that uncircumcised men have higher rates of condom slippage compared to men who have been circumcised. They might be able to reduce their slippage risk by retracting their foreskin prior to putting on a condom. Also, adding a small amount of lubricant to the outside of the condom once it is already on the penis might reduce friction -- and thus reduce slippage -- for men, regardless of their circumcision status. \nMen should make sure that the condom is completely rolled down to the base of their penis (assuming it goes that far) and that they hold on to the bottom of the condom as they withdraw their penis from their partner's body. A good deal of condom slippage occurs at the point of withdrawal so pay extra attention to this part of sex. It is unclear why slippage at withdrawal is more common but it might be because men sometimes linger too long in their partner's body after sex and their erection subsides following ejaculation, thus making the condom more likely to slip off. Cuddling after sex is great, but safer cuddling -- like safer sex -- is the way to go, so hold on to the bottom of the condom, withdraw the penis, and then snuggle up.