Dreary debates

The congressional race for Indiana's 9th District is one of the country's tightest. Republican incumbent Mike Sodrel and Democratic challenger Baron Hill are both House veterans. Their last electoral battle was decided by slightly more than 1,400 votes, and dissatisfaction with Republican leadership in both Congress and the presidency might make this result even closer. Furthermore, this is a key race in the 2006 elections, and it will determine the balance of power in Washington, D.C. \nSo why aren't you hearing more buzz about it?\nBecause it's boring. Deeply and profoundly boring. Mind-numbingly, soul-crushingly boring. Viewers of Thursday's televised debate could be forgiven for being distracted by more exciting fare, such as reading a statistics textbook or listening to the refrigerator hum or sitting before a mirror and watching oneself age. \nIt's an old complaint, I know. But I say this not as a person uninterested in politics (see byline above) nor as a holder of radical beliefs (at least, I don't think they are) -- nor as a person who fails to appreciate the value of somewhat boring politics. Very exciting politics often come at the price of high body-counts, widespread poverty and general suffering -- I'd rather read about a revolution than be in the path of one, thanks.\nThat said, even taking into account that the major parties are never that far apart in basic ideology, and given that this election will be decided on very local concerns, I will hazard an opinion that -- of this year's competitive races -- the contest in the 9th district is exceptionally dull. Neither Hill nor Sodrel is a charismatic speaker -- although Hill has a slight edge because he does strange things with his hands (see page 3 of Friday's Indiana Daily Student for a photo of Hill seemingly casting a level-4 magic missile). And on the key issues highlighted in Friday's IDS -- energy policy, the war in Iraq, immigration -- Sodrel and Hill are in virtual agreement. The two only differ slightly over federal involvement (in education and gay marriage) and over who should be taxed and not taxed to achieve the same desired ends regarding energy policy and the deficit. Oh, and Hill managed to work in the "Bush lied" cliché. So much for the "culture war," then.\nToward the end of last week, the two did finally manage to get into heated debate -- over the format of their next debate. Sigh.\nI've been thinking about ways to make this race more interesting. Nothing dangerous or illegal, of course, but something has to be done. This is not merely a question of personal interest or of local concern; this is a matter of the survival of our democracy. If an important race such as this can be so stultifyingly tepid, so unspeakably dreary, so epically monotonous, what future does our republic have? \nThere is only one solution: We need a couple of volunteers who are brave, brilliant, flexible ... and nubile. Yes, dear readers: The congressmen must have affairs!\nAuditions to be held at the opinion desk.