Semester hangover

And so begins the second eight weeks. We all must rise to the coming challenges presented to us by arduous professors, embark on the research for lengthy term papers and study relentlessly for final exams. I stood up Monday morning ready to face the challenges ahead. I stretched my arms over my head, smiled lightly and ... fell immediately back on my ass.\nYou see, during spring break 2006, I wrecked on the "Jersey Turnpike." Ironically enough, I went to Florida and my car is in tip-top shape even as I type. \nI am speaking of a far more treacherous turnpike than can ever be constructed of asphalt, rock and metal. The "Jersey Turnpike" is a drink. A drink I strongly urge none of you try. A friend of mine, extremely inebriated even to the point that she was falling out of her chair, decided she would mix us all a new concoction after a night of Long Island iced teas and Heinekens. \nThe "Jersey Turnpike" is mixed with one shot of each of the following: tequila, vodka, rum, vanilla rum, triple sec, whiskey, x-rated Hypnotiq, gin and (my personal favorite) Black Absinthe. Add a splash of sweet and sour mix, a tablespoon of Coca-Cola, ice and blend until a very disgusting shade of gray. The result is a drink that smells strongly of black licorice mixed with anti-freeze and tastes somewhere between green mucus and chalk. I am extremely surprised that after one sip of the Jersey Turnpike, my entire group of friends didn't fall over dead from sclerosis of the liver. \nAfter trying to drive on the Jersey Turnpike and failing miserably, we all recovered with some difficulty and drove humbly back to B-town. However, on the way back to IU, the lingering headache of the morning after disaster still playing at my temples, I began to wonder if our spring break isn't a little too short. This column is published on a Tuesday. If on a Thursday someone happens to see me lying in the gutter somewhere between 10th Street and Kirkwood Avenue, kindly throw a bright orange blanket over me so the cars know where to aim. I'm sure the pain of them hitting me will be nothing compared to the Mac truck in my head. \nMy point is this: I haven't fully recovered and I'm absolutely sure that many of my fellow students are worse off than I am. Why not hold classes off until about Wednesday or so? By then, I'm sure the alcohol will have fully been flushed out my system and I can be in excellent mental condition to continue my thorough education.\nHowever, the fact remains that until Wednesday, while I might drag myself comatosely to my 9:30 a.m. classes, I'll be too busy trying to stop the sledgehammer hitting my head to actually be productive.\nSo I beg this of the University: Extend break for another three days. That way we can all be chipper, sober and ready to do our best for the rest of the semester (or at the very least until the week of the glorious Little 500).