Invade Texas-22

"Space," the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy begins, "is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind--bogglingly big it is." It's dark, empty and conspicuously devoid of intelligent life -- not unlike Houston, Texas.\nOn Tuesday, the constituents of Texas' 22nd district showed their support for former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay. He secured the Republican congressional nomination -- besting his closest rival by nearly 30 percent -- despite a criminal indictment and known ties to lobbyist Jack Abramoff. DeLay was publicly admonished by the House Ethics Committee and subsequently stepped down as House Majority Leader.\nIn September 2005, Tom "The Hammer" DeLay was accused of various white collar crimes: money laundering, unlawfully advertising, illegal campaign expenditures, conspiracy, that sort of thing. DeLay pleaded not guilty, which is fortunate considering that very few Houstonites consider it a crime to undermine American democracy. \nDeLay took 62 percent of the vote, enough to secure the nomination, but many political analysts believe he could be in serious trouble come November when he runs against the Democratic challenger. My guess is that this victory will give him the "Tommentum" he needs to get back to Washington. \nWhat does it say about an electorate that's willing to re--elect a known criminal? It says a lot of things actually, none of them particularly flattering. But then again, what good is flattery to a state in which half the citizens weigh as much as their mobile homes? OK, cheap shot, but so is redrawing district lines to tip the voter balance in favor of Republicans. \nThe first and most obvious reason DeLay secured the nomination is that he has nearly 100 percent name recognition. DeLay is a household name, like Clorox Bleach -- and just as dangerous to ingest. He is synonymous with the Republicans, hell, he basically is the GOP, which brings me to a second point: pork.\nThe man oozes power and influence out of every orifice. In many ways, DeLay is more influential than the president; he certainly has more authority over the party than Bush. DeLay can make things happen. I'm talking just about anything. If he had wanted to build a bridge to nowhere, he could've gotten the money and made Jimmy Carter build it. Houstonites are better served by seniority; even if the whole state went blue, it would still be in its best interest, regardless of the damage done to the country as a whole. \nBut Houston doesn't care about the rest of the country, and why should it? Texas is a hot-bed of ideological turmoil -- Southern whites versus a growing immigrant minority -- and the best way to uphold the conservative status quo is to run a known winner like Tom DeLay in November. \nDeLay's constituents are so distracted by trivialities like gay marriage and abortion that they're willing to let the government rape the environment and drive the country into unspeakable debt. Come November the congressional corruption that plagues both chambers will be institutionalized by majority vote.