Give us a home where the fake pandas roam

The fake Facebook profile has become a hunted and endangered species now that "a panda" and "a monkey," some of IU's most popular fake members, have been forced to shut down their profiles.\nFacebook appears to be hunting down fake or misleading profiles because such profiles might confuse a casual reader. But do any of these casual readers really believe there's a panda writing a Facebook profile? Surely no one believes that award-winning musician Bobby McFerrin and Frylock of "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" go to IU. Why, then, is Facebook cracking down? We have no idea. Facebook might be a social networking tool, but it's also a forum for light-hearted fun and smirking sarcasm. Facebook must know that its service is full of falsity. When someone selects "Looking for: Whatever I can get" on Facebook, there's plenty of reason to believe that said person isn't actually that desperate. When someone says they're "married to" someone, odds are, they're not. Plenty of people list fake information for kicks. Why not a fake profile? \nObviously, if one were to impersonate another person maliciously on Facebook, it would be unfortunate and ugly, but surely Facebook, if it has time to hunt down a panda, has time to determine malicious intent. A panda posed no threat to anyone or anything. No panda was going to sue Facebook for misrepresentation. \nBesides, if Facebook allows inherently racist groups like "I Hate Asian Drivers" to exist, it hardly seems fair that benign fake profiles meet Facebook's jackboot. Even from a public relations standpoint, a racist Facebook group generates far more resentment than a cuddly panda looking for Internet friends. As a result of Facebook's rash, fun-draining actions, profiles from Jesus Christ to Satan have disappeared from the ranks of IU Facebook's students, faculty and alumni. \nFake Facebook profiles represent more than just smart-ass college students looking for a laugh. They symbolize the very freedoms and values we cherish and fight to protect in this great country of ours. This fascist crackdown on profiles directly contradicts the American spirit of freedom of expression. \nFacebook should look back to its roots, as a place for people to show themselves to the world, however fake those people might be. Well-meaning falsehoods and white lies are the fabric upon which America was built. Jokes and impersonations are part of our treasured heritage. American history is an unending string of gags: the moon landing, Prohibition, the War of 1812, the list goes on and on. What was the Boston Tea Party if not a big prank? \nLet's celebrate our values the old-fashioned way, with malice toward none, with charity toward all, even the fakest of the fake Facebook profiles. Let pandas, monkeys and William Howard Taft have their profiles. After all, if fake pandas cannot roam freely on a social networking and stalking site for bored, sarcastic college students, the terrorists have already won.