D'oh

The "Simpsons" is one of the longest-running programs on TV, and hey, it is pretty popular. I was an avid Simpsons watcher in high school, faithfully tuning to Fox at 5:30 p.m. every weekday. \nBut I guess I never truly appreciated the power that "The Simpsons" wielded until I read an article on www.Yahoo.com News on Wednesday. \nApparently, more Americans can name all five Simpson family members correctly than can name the five freedoms guaranteed in the First Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America. \nThough it's commonly known that many people take the freedoms and rights given to them as American citizens for granted, I had no idea the situation was so dire. \nThe McCormick Tribune Freedom Museum conducted this survey of 1,000 adults over the phone between Jan. 20 and Jan. 22 with a margin of error of plus or minus three percentage points. \nAccording to the results, 22 percent of the 1,000 people surveyed correctly named all five members of the Simpson family. \nWant to know what percentage could name all five freedoms guaranteed in the First Amendment? \nOne person could do it. One. Sorry darling, not even one percent. ONE PERSON. \nFor the mathematically challenged, one person out of 1,000 translates into .1 percent. So basically, 220 people out of the 1,000 surveyed could name all the Simpsons, and one person could name all the First Amendment freedoms. \nOf course this is a survey, and I hope it is not an accurate representation of the American populace, but more than likely, it demonstrates a trend. \nQuite frankly I find this situation to be somewhat comical, in a disgusting, cynical sort of way. \nThe survey also reported that about 20 percent of people thought the First Amendment protected the right to own a pet, and another 38 percent thought the First Amendment guaranteed the right against self-incrimination. Um, wrong amendment buddy. Try the Fifth one.\nAmericans and the West want to democratize the world, particularly the Middle East, but how can you spread values around the world when a majority of your own people don't even know what these values are? \nFor the record, the five freedoms guaranteed in the First Amendment are freedom of speech, religion, press, assembly and petition for redress of grievances. \nThere are oppressed people all over the world living their lives without these freedoms. People have wished for them, people have struggled for them and people have even lost their lives over them. \nWe have these freedoms that people have died for, and we don't even know what they are. On top of that we have the nerve to say we want to spread our democratic way of life to the rest of the world. Maybe we should start from home? \nBut no, we don't have time to be aware of our First Amendment rights. We're too busy watching cartoons. \nIn fact forget it, why spread democratic ideals and principles? Let's simply buy some TV stations in foreign countries and air "The Simpsons. "\nA great new world order will be sure to follow. Yup.