Bustin' a bracket

I've never liked brackets. Not in second grade when they split a problem of addition and subtraction. Not in seventh grade when I had to distribute multiple multiplication problems. I didn't like brackets when I was a junior in high school and I slam-dunked a 400 on the math portion of the SAT. \nAnd now, shoulder deep into my junior year at IU, I really hate brackets. Who needs them? \nFor reasons of embarrassment -- as if the 400 wasn't embarrassing enough -- I refuse to reveal who I had in my Final Four and who I had winning the championship. Let's just say I picked a Big Ten team to cut down the nets in Indy, and they Buckin' choked. (I think something is the Matta with me). \nSo we have the unlikeliest of suitors to fit into Cinderella's slippers this weekend in the RCA Dome: No. 2 UCLA, No. 3 Florida, No. 4 LSU and No. 11 George Mason. And although George Mason is the only pick whose plane will turn into a pumpkin if it fails to cut the nets, each Final Four team has its own reasons for recognition and redemption. \nUCLA clawed its way back into the national spotlight with the possibility of its first National Championship since John Wooden was last seen standing up (1995). Coach Ben Howland and company come in popping their historical collars, sporting the NCAA's longest winning streak of 11 games to match their 11 National Championships. \nFlorida is, well, young. It has one senior on its roster, but it seemingly has the easiest road to the championship -- hosting George Mason early Saturday afternoon. (Though I'm sure the Connecticut Huskies thought the same thing.) Sophomore Joakim Noah, a copy editor's dream, leads the Gators. Just imagine the "Noah's Ark" headlines if the Gators are triumphant in Indianapolis. At least -- at that time -- Noah will be able to rise above the flood of reporters washing over him. (Sorry, I couldn't resist.) \nLSU, Florida's Southern counterpart, has claimed the country's hearts since Hurricane Katrina. A national Championship would bring a permanent ray of sunlight to a region ravished by rains and rejected by our own president -- whoops, I meant Homeland Security -- whoops again, I meant Michael Brown. Glen "Big Baby" Davis' shoulders are broad enough to carry an entire region and let Louisiana lavish in the positive limelight, for a change. \nThen there is George Mason, a team no Big Ten student picked past the first round -- and still it managed to manhandle Michigan State. Don't believe the hype; its story isn't the stuff movies are made of. The only adversity its players and coaches overcame was anonymity. Obscured, now observed, the Patriots have appropriately become America's underdog. \nAnd so March Madness lived up to its name. The NCAA Tournament awarded eight bids to Big East teams, including two No. 1 seeds. None are in the Final Four. The Big Ten was touted only to pout without one team advancing to the Sweet 16. The Southeastern Conference's 2005 talent was leveled by the NBA Draft -- only to re-emerge a year later with two teams in Indy. \nSo, for the first time since 1980, not a single No. 1 seed made it to the Final Four, and we are left watching UCLA and the Traditionless Trio. \nStill, out of a field of 65 NCAA teams, George Mason, the "mid-major", has played out of its element and has commandeered its way through the field. It was a mathematical improbability coming into the tournament and blossomed into a bracket-busting probability in the process. \nCome Saturday, the Patriots won't be watching TV. Having destroyed everyone's brackets, they will be TV.\nAh, brackets. Who needs them?