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Friday, March 29
The Indiana Daily Student

Forget the game

The biggest American football game of the year is Sunday. Big freakin' deal. Let's face it -- the real entertainment lies in the commercials, half-time show and the opposing coach's mustaches.\nCommercial-wise, it looks like Burger King is aiming to do it real big this year. It plans to run a commercial with Brooke Burke and 92 dancing and singing "Whopperettes" dressed as tomatoes, lettuce and burgers. Now, I'm never going to complain about a commercial with Brooke Burke in it, even if she's dressed in three overcoats and a ski-mask, but if Burger King doesn't feature a new commercial with 'The King' superimposed over famous football players on the field, it is stupid. Those are really, really, really funny and I want to see more of them. \nThe game on the field doesn't quite compare to the battle of coach and player facial hair.\nSeahawks coach Mike Holmgren's 'stache is white and much thicker than Steelers coach Bill Cowher, giving him a more refined, dignified and walrus-sy look. Cowher's mustache is straight out the '80s. All he needs is a mullet, a flowery shirt and short white shorts and he would be the second coming of Tom Selleck's Magnum P.I.\nAs far as the players' facial hair goes, 'Big' Ben Roethlisberger pulls off the playoff beard better than any hockey player could. It seems to have increased his already astronomical luck with the ladies. (Google 'Ben Roethlisberger party pictures' to see what I'm talking about. Note the 'Drink like a champion shirt today' he's sporting.) Although Steeler defensive back Troy Polamalu doesn't sport any facial hair, his long, flowing locks deserve a special mention. There's really not much to say about his hair other than it's dead sexy.\nUnless you've been living under a large boulder in an underground cave in Sri Lanka, chances are you've heard that Steeler running back Jerome 'the Bus' Bettis is from Detroit, home to Super Bowl XL. Man, this is pretty unbelievable. What are the chances of someone from Detroit playing in the NFL? Yeah, pretty much zero. So because of this, his parents are going to get a lot of airtime while they are in the stands rooting on their son. Get ready for it folks.\nAnd, of course, this grand American gala wouldn't be complete without a jaw-dropping performance for the greatest American rock 'n' roll band of all time, the Rolling Stones. Well, except for the fact that they're British. Oh well. To be politically correct, the Stones should avoid playing 'Paint it Black' which would show an obvious bias toward the Steelers. But, in the end, for either the Steelers or the Seahawks, it's going to be 'You Can't Always Get What You Want.' I'll be too busy watching my favorite commercials on the Internet to notice.

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