A trial of testosterone

Your Honor, I unknowingly urinated outside of Ballantine Hall. Your Honor, I unknowingly ran naked through the Arboretum. Your Honor, I unknowingly hit on that girl in the bar, and her boyfriend unknowingly beat the hell out of me. \nThat sounds like a ludicrous defense, right? Not to Barry Bonds. \nBonds will begin the MLB season on April 3, needing just six home runs to eclipse Babe Ruth's 714, and only 48 home runs to top Hank Aaron. \nBonds testified to a grand jury in 2004, saying that he unknowingly took the "clear" and the "cream." The government identified the clear as the designer steroid THG, and the cream as a testosterone-based ointment. Since then, Bonds' personal trainer Greg Anderson served a three-month prison sentence for money laundering and steroid distribution, while Bonds' chemist and Balco founder Victor Conte served four months of home confinement for various drug offences.\nIf he never knowingly took a substance in his life, I can only hope that the baseball gods will forgive me for my false accusations. But from the months of April to October, baseball is my lifeblood; it is my basis for breathing. And there is nothing that should be taken more seriously, in baseball, than the records. \nNew York Times columnist Murray Chass wrote last Tuesday, "If baseball's integrity hangs on Bonds' next 48 home runs, the only way to find out if he has had help is to conduct an investigation." The historic prestige of the record coupled with Commissioner Bud Selig's pledge to keep the integrity of baseball intact is more than enough reason to investigate Bonds. While I would like to see an investigation begin before opening day, the truth is, it would not be necessary until Bonds breaks Aaron's record of 755 home runs. \nSo let's look at the evidence in Bonds' home run-hitting career. Before the year 2000, at age 36, Bonds never hit more than 46 home runs in a season. The season he hit 46, 1993, Bonds was 29 years old. In 2001 -- eight years later -- Bonds broke the single-season home run record with 73. Since then, he has averaged more than 51 home runs in the five years he aged from 36 to 40 years old. (Gee ... I forgot the law of nature that states the older you are, the stronger you get. I was never into the sciences.)\nBut Bonds remains untouched and remarkably unaffiliated with any direct substance abuse charges. As such, he swats his critics away like they were fastballs careening the coast of McCovey Cove. \nHis absence from the 2005 season, though, remains a looming shadow of his guilt. That season was the first year Major League Baseball implemented its new steroid policy, publicly naming and suspending the players who tested positive. Fifteen players were caught and humiliated by the media throughout the season. Bonds played 14 games that year, only to leave when knowingly needing surgery on his knee. That sounds like impeccable timing to me, Mr. Bonds. \nWhether you like it or not, Barry, these are the times that you have been born into. It is unclear whether you are the victim or the leader of the "Steroid Era," but what is crystal clear is that you will forever be a focal point. \nYet, allow me to clarify something. If an investigator does find out that Bonds knowingly used anabolic steroids in the past, Selig could not punish him. But, as emphasized by Chass and Selig, that is not the point of the investigation. Integrity is. \nChass sums up his argument with the following: "If the commissioner is genuinely concerned about the integrity of the game, he has to determine if the 214 home runs Bonds has hit in the past five years have been genuine."\nSo you want peace, Barry? You want to prove to the population your innocence? \nPut down the bat and pick up a Bible. Now knowingly raise your right hand.