Bad Date

This weekend I had the privilege of attending my first sorority formal. My roommate and I went with two friends from high school, and it was a blast. While still at the dance, however, I came up with a list of reasons why I'm a bad formal date. Is that weird? Anyway, here are the top four reasons you should not ask me to a formal.\nNo. 4, I can't dance. Please note here that I did not say, "I can't dance well," or "I don't enjoy dancing." No, it's far worse than that.\nYou see, I don't like rap or hip-hop music very much. I'm more of a mellow, guy-and-his-guitar person. So with my music tastes, I can go to a concert, tap my feet, nod my head a bit and fit right in. \nThe problem, though, is that those dancing techniques do not translate well to Terror Squad's "Lean Back," or Christina Milian's "Dip It Low" (Full disclosure: I had to Google the song names to figure out the musicians. Also, those are the only song titles I remember from the entire night -- the rest are just a blur of pounding bass and lyrics about different ways to have sex.)\nI realized early in the night that I had to come up with some way to dance while not looking like an idiot, but I soon realized that was impossible. Then I thought to myself, "Just do what all the other guys are doing." After further examination, however, I decided I didn't want to drink eight beers nor did I want to "get all up in my date's grill" (as the rappers would have said).\nNo. 3, I chew with my mouth open. OK, not exactly. But I'm a little messy at the dinner table. You know how 5 year olds can't finish a meal without some sort of food down the front of them? Well, that's me. Now. At the age of 19. \nNormally it's not such a big deal, but when everyone is wearing formal gear (and trust me, it's gear) and I am eating spaghetti and meatballs, it can make for some uncomfortable situations.\nNo. 2, I'll forget your friends' names. I'm sorry, it's not that I don't think they're interesting or nice or pretty (but not as pretty as you), it's just that I am terrible with names. I recognize people I've met months ago, but I still can't remember the name of the guy who sits next to me in class every day.\nSomeone told me I just need to concentrate more, but all that does is make me more aware that I don't have a freaking clue what to call anyone. I prefer my method of introducing myself to the same person about four times (I might seem like an idiot, but it's better than being a jerk who doesn't care.)\nFinally, the No. 1 reason you should not ask me to a formal is that I don't put out on a first date.\nAt least you can't say I didn't warn you.