March of the idiots

Penguins are my favorite animal. Simply watching them waddle about in their tuxedos invariably causes me to laugh. My love of this animal drove me to see "March of the Penguins." This remarkable documentary details the hardships emperor penguins must endure to procreate in Antarctica, one of the harshest environments on the planet.\nWhereas my enjoyment of penguins is limited simply to observing them, apparently others on all sides of the political spectrum see more in this marvelous animal than I do.\nSocial conservatives have seized the movie as ammo for their side of the culture war. Editors from Christian magazines and hosts from conservative radio programs have all claimed the movie supports their causes, which include the righteousness of monogamy and biparental child rearing, even intelligent design. Radio host Michael Medved said the movie has galvanized conservatives and called it "The Passion of the Penguins."\nWell, OK. We don't get to see any penguins get scourged until their blood paints the ice red. However, the movie does meticulously depict how a male and female penguin stay devoted to each other for a year and work together through all challenges to raise a baby penguin, so perhaps they have a point. But I wonder if these people remember the part when narrator Morgan Freeman makes it explicitly clear that after each year, "all bets are off" as far as monogamy is concerned. A partnership ends as soon as the baby penguin can survive on its own, and the vast majority of penguins mate with different partners each season.\nBefore any leftist readers start grinning, consider the story of Roy and Silo. These two penguins are the famously "gay" couple that resides in the New York Central Park Zoo. I write gay in quotations not because I deny the existence of homosexual behavior in the animal kingdom (it undeniably occurs) but because, after what seemed to be a lasting relationship, Roy and Silo have broken up.\nRoy and Silo were together for six years. They never mated with female penguins despite many opportunities to do so, and even sat on a rock as though it were an egg. They were donated a real egg and raised the baby penguin as their own.\nNow it seems Silo has a girlfriend, and Roy is left alone. Tough break, Roy.\nBut it's also a tough break for the crowd who thought the Roy and Silo partnership somehow validated homosexual unions, too. The right of individuals to love and live with whomever they choose is absolute and defensible in and of itself. There is no need to use penguins to justify this argument.\nTo both sides tugging on the penguins in the middle of this war: Just stop already. They are penguins. Let me repeat that. They are penguins, and not people. They are not on "your" side, whoever you are, any more than God, Jesus, Allah or Ahura Mazda want your favorite sports team to win.