Free "The Onion"

An important story concerning our government is lost among the jungle of recent news. Don't let the clamor about Supreme Court nominations, hurricanes, earthquakes or the federal investigation into "Plamegate" distract you from something much more important.\nThe Onion is using the presidential seal.\nQuick! Get some lawyers on this! Or maybe bring in the National Guard; it could siege The Onion's headquarters or even burn it down Waco-style.\nOK, perhaps the former is more likely than the latter, since it is actually happening. Grant M. Dixton, associate counsel to the president, has written to The Onion about this press-stopping issue. He wants the paper to stop using the seal, citing that it "is not to be used in connection with commercial ventures or products in any way that suggests presidential support or endorsement." \nDoes he actually think that by using the seal The Onion is suggesting presidential support or endorsement? Every person in the universe falls into one of the following two categories: 1. They have never heard of, seen or read anything in The Onion, or 2. They realize that absolutely nothing in The Onion should be taken seriously.\nThe Onion is an entirely satirical publication. The Supreme Court decided in the 1988 case Hustler Magazine v. Jerry Falwell that the First Amendment protects parody. The unanimous 9-0 decision concluded, "... it is a central tenet of the First Amendment that the government must remain neutral in the marketplace of ideas." This is especially true of ideas that are critical of -- or even mocking -- those in power. \nThe presidential seal appears on a Web page of The Onion that plays audio parodies of President Bush's actual weekly radio addresses and is accessible from the paper's home page. Everything about the paper screams parody, including headlines such as "Trick-Or-Treaters To Be Subject To Random Bag Searches" or "Bush Braces as Cindy Sheehan's Other Son Drowns In New Orleans." The Onion's lawyer, Rochelle H. Klaskin, writes, "It is inconceivable that anyone would think that, by using the seal, The Onion intends to 'convey ... sponsorship or approval' by the president." \nUnder the United States code, the executive branch can grant exceptions that allow the use of the presidential seal by those who apply and qualify. Since receiving notification from Dixton, The Onion has applied for such an exception. Perhaps the White House will grant one to The Onion, and this will all become a moot point. But it should never have become any type of point in the first place. \nI would like to address the White House: This isn't about censorship; this is just stupid. Focus on the war in Iraq, helping the survivors of horrific national disasters or covering your ass over the Plame affair. But leave The Onion alone. It might be an onion, but it shouldn't make you cry.