In 2005, the Big Ten is a big deal. Sports Illustrated has ranked eight of the 11 conference teams in the Top 50. The Coaches Poll (minus the AP, which I found stands for "Artificially Professional") has three teams: Ohio State, Michigan and Iowa in its Top 10 with cross-state rival Purdue at No. 16. \nBut really, what do coaches know? Before you fill in your latest parlay, check out my Big Ten preview. What has this world come to if you can't trust your local columnist? Chaos! Anarchy! Blasphemy! OK, that's enough.
1. Michigan\nThe best defense is an unstoppable offense. No team personifies this better than the 2005 Wolverines. By year's end, Michigan will accumulate a 10-1 record (with the loss coming in October to either Michigan State or Iowa) and will sit atop the conference standings. While quarterback problems will plague both Ohio State and Purdue, Michigan has a proven veteran and leader in QB Chad Henne. Yet, not without faults, Coach Lloyd Carr and defensive coordinator Jim Herrmann will have their hands full (and their heads filled with visions of Texas quarterback Vince Young in the Rose Bowl) trying to teach a young crop of players against the spread offense and mobile quarterbacks. With the help of pass rushing profession Pierre Woods and Pat Massey, the Wolverines can easily claw their way back into a Bull Championship Series berth.
2. Ohio State\nHang on Sloopy, because the Buckeyes return as a force in 2005. A quarterback controversy could arise should OSU lose early. If a national championship is the game, QB Troy Smith along with wide-outs Ted Ginn Jr. and Santonio Holmes are the Buckeyes' ticket. Smith's return Sept. 10 against Texas should create Heisman buzz as he faces the aforementioned Young. With the aid of an easy schedule and veterans at the offensive line and linebacker positions, OSU and Sloopy might have no problem hanging on to that crystal football come January.
3. Iowa \nIowa might be the most over-hyped, unworthy team atop the polls right now. Seriously, I haven't seen this much undeserved attention since Katie Holmes came along. And neither Holmes nor Hawkeyes head coach Kirk Frentz can act like they belong in the spotlight. Look for return injuries to plague the running backs again (Iowa was dead last in the Big Ten in rushing last year), and a weak defensive line to prove to be Iowa's biggest weakness, and thus, their downfall.
4. Purdue\nThe only thing funnier than trying to watch Katie Holmes act is the way Purdue performed in 2004. After starting 5-0 led by Heisman hopeful Kyle Orton and earning a No. 5 national ranking, the Boilermakers fell faster than Maurice Clarett. While I hate Purdue, you must give them some dap. They have 18 starters returning, including 11 at defense. Like IU, if Purdue's quarterback Brandon Kirsh can limit his mistakes and spread the field against a soft schedule that excludes both Ohio State and Michigan, Purdue will be bowling come New Year's week.
5. Michigan State\nDrew Stanton. Period. Exclamation mark. Dollar sign. Asterisk. Exclamation mark. The Spartans' chances to slip into some bowling shoes depend solely on their triple-threat quarterback. And even if the Spartans do sneak into January, they will have to do so without consistency at defense.
6. Penn State\nThe way Michigan State will rely on its offense, Penn State will sink or swim according to the play of its defense. They sport nine starters returning to a "D" that let up the fewest points in the Big Ten. The Nittany Lions will also be relying on fifth-year senior Michael Robinson and the nation's No. 1 recruit in wide receiver Derrick Williams. Rather than a comeback for head coach Joe Paterno, look for Joe-Pa boos to reign supreme by week seven after holding the fetal position for two weeks against OSU and Michigan.
7. Minnesota\nRunning with Laurence Maroney and stopping the run with Greg Eslinger and Mark Setterstrom are the only two strengths for the Golden Gophers. Without a star at quarterback and armed with a tougher schedule in 2005, coach Glen Mason has his work cut out for him. Last year, the Gophers lost five of their last six regular season games. Look for this year to be no different -- including a loss at Memorial Stadium... whoops, sorry Coach Hep... I mean at the ROCK.
8. Wisconsin\nDon't be fooled by the Badgers' 2004. After winning nine straight under a stingy defense that was ranked seventh in the nation against the pass, UW dropped its last four, including a loss to Georgia in the Alamo Bowl. This year the Badgers are young, inexperienced, without a defensive line and in desperate need of filling in the spots of 13 departed seniors.
9. Indiana\nAccording to Las Vegas, the Hoosiers have 650-1 odds to win the Big Ten this season. 'Nuff said. Besides, we'll have plenty of time to discuss these guys later.
10. Illinois\nAfter being excommunicated from Florida for an abysmal season (see: Chris Leak), head coach Ron Zook recoiled into Illini country. But Zook cannot bust open the champagne in Champaign just yet. He is short at quarterback, having to choose between junior Tim Brasic and freshman, cereal-box inspired, Kisan Flakes (though I prefer Frosted Flakes over Kisan Flakes -- they have more sugar). And what is worse than a quarterback controversy? A controversy with no receivers to throw to.
11. Northwestern\nWhile I would like to write "Hahaha" next to the 2005 Wildcats, the truth is that IU lost to them in double overtime last year, 31-24. This year the brightest bulb in coach Randy Walker's stock is his fourth-year quarterback Brett Basanez. Of course Basanez, who is neither strong nor quick, but he brings intelligence to his position for the Wildcats. But he's no Peyton Manning. Instead, look for opponents to run through an offensive line that contains larger holes than Paris Hilton. Hey, I mean holes in her head ... perverts.
