Sorry for being uncool

I've got to apologize for my demographic, white males ages 15 to 25. \nThere's a lot to apologize for when you talk about this group in general, though I concede not everyone fits the typical cast. I fervently believe I'm in the minority of this group, but I'm going to apologize for the 75 percent that fall into the middle.\nFirst, I'm sorry for racism and our obliviousness to its existence. \nSecond, I'm sorry Maxim, Stuff and FHM can be considered magazines. It's like crack for our demographic. Sorry about that. \nThird, I'm sorry movies sucked this summer. With a 12 percent drop in attendance and a 9 percent drop in revenue this summer, the movie industry continues to dismiss the idea it's in a slump. Nobody saw "Bewitched," "Stealth" or other films that tanked during a period that is built on no new television and hours of free time. \nThe movie industry offered the following explanations: failure of studio marketing, the rising price of gas, the lure of alternate entertainment, even the commercials and annoying cell phones inside theaters. Maybe, but probably not. \nIt's my demographic that made "Chappelle's Show" so ubiquitous it could never live up to the hype. If Dave Chappelle would have heard the "Yeahs!" coming from frat houses across America, he probably would have stayed in Africa. We like to act cool and be cool, but usually that means stealing stuff from other places until it becomes uncool.\nWe are the demographic equivalent of the guy down the street growing up. The game is going great until he comes along and it's not as fun anymore. So everybody quits and goes home. Sorry we spoiled the fun. \nWhich category of people overwhelmingly buys the most DVDs? White males, 15 to 25 years old. Admit it, you know that guy who buys everything that comes out every Tuesday at Best Buy. Like clockwork, he stops in and picks up anything new to add to his collection. And I think the movie industry has figured this out, the same way the music industry figured it out few years ago. \nThe demand for hip-hop and rap music was so high and there were so few artists, the music industry accelerated the process by pushing through new artists. So hip-hop and rap music went from Wu-Tang, Biggie, Tupac and the streets, to Nelly, Chingy, 50 Cent, Master P, Ja Rule, Lil' Jon and commercial junk. And who bought all those albums when they came out? White males, 15 to 25. \nI'm sorry about that. \nAnd so movie executives have figured out that producing "Old School"-esque movies will pay off when they hit Best Buy shelves. Suddenly you don't have to make a good movie to score big. That requires too many things, like good acting, directing, editing and writing. Just make a movie for my demographic, and we'll buy the collector's edition DVD for $30 and buy the re-release six months later. \nAnd that's what they've done. \nMost of the time, I'm sorry I'm stuck in this demographic.