Leave this stinker 'Undiscovered'

Unfortunately, the English language doesn't contain words that can be printed in a newspaper and can accurately sum up my contempt for the incredible stinker "Undiscovered." I want those 92 minutes of my life back. \nI consciously tried not to go into the movie with prejudices. I didn't know much about it, and even if I had, I might've seen it. It looked cute.\nBut oh, lord, what a nightmare. Flat dialogue, god-awful acting and ridiculous plot made for a terrible structure, and nauseating cinematography nearly left me with puke on my shoes. \nThe camera work was perhaps the most upsetting element of this rotten egg. There was no shot of the movie that showed an entire person, and a good seventy percent of the shots were extreme close-ups. I do not need to see every damn pore on Ashlee Simpson's nose. I do not need to be so close to Pell James' face that I can count her chicken pox scars. \nJames and yummy newcomer Steven Strait play the on-again/off-again lovers Brier and Luke, but they lack any visible chemistry. They're onscreen declaring their love for each other, but sorry kids, I'm just not buying it. After a gag-reflex-inducing meet-cute in New York, Brier and Luke separately move to L.A. where they struggle with being "undiscovered."\nSimpson and James play oh-my-gawd-super-best girlfriends (insert shriek and hug), but they too lack any clear chemistry as friends on-screen. Simpson simpers as hipster Clea, and Kip Pardue is perhaps the singular bright spot as Luke's wacky brother Euan. Shannyn Sossamon offers up a turn as a coked-out super-groupie from Brazil, Fisher Stevens shows his greasy head as slimy record exec Garrett Schweck and Carrie Fisher plays Carrie, a modeling exec who magically delivers the oh-so-yucky wrap-up to the movie.\nBut aside from any sense of cinematic cohesiveness, perhaps the most upsetting part of this dungheap is the mind-bogglingly bad dialogue. Movie dialogue can't work like daily discourse. It just can't. People talk, um, kind of, like, well, theytalklikethis. In the movies, is it so much to desire a little eloquence? Apparently, it is. I don't want to watch a movie about these people. They're boring. They're conniving. They're not even that good-looking. I just didn't care. If I hadn't have had to write a review, I would've either fallen over and gone to sleep or simply gone home. \nSo please, for the betterment of society, don't go see "Undiscovered." It can only hurt your brain.