'05 Colts: They're kind of a big deal

After walking around with my head hung and feet dragging for the past six months, I finally have a spring back in my step. \n"Excited to be back in classes?" you may ask. Not a chance. "Told some freshman wrong directions to Sycamore?" Not today, my friends. Last night began the most glorious part of the year: the start of the NFL season. \nEven if you've already joined your fantasy leagues, call your bookies and grab your pens, because your man Dwire is going to peer into his magic 8 ball and give you a look ahead to 2005.\nLet's start with my least favorite conference, the AFC East. This year, look for (gasp!) the Pats to lead the pack despite a tough schedule, including games at Carolina and Atlanta. \nNote Nov. 7 on the calendar, because that's when Belichick, his gray-hooded sweatshirt and the Pats' dominance over Indy in Foxboro will end.\nBelow New England, look for the Jets with a healthy Chad Pennington to finish in a close second and make the playoffs once again. Last, and most certainly least, will be the Miami Dolphins. The Fins won't be smoking any of their competition this year, even with Ricky on the roster. \nEveryone, come see how good the AFC North looks! "Experts," see Big Ben and the Steelers as challengers for another division title, but write it down -- Roethlisberger will be a big flop in 2005. Baltimore's Kyle Boller and the Bengals' Carson Palmer will be the best quarterbacks of the division and will have breakout years, but the Ravens will capture the title. \nThe South will be a stampede -- a Colts stampede, all bias aside (not really). Peyton and his boys will run all over the Texans, Titans and Jags. Jacksonville will be the runner-up, but will come up short of making the postseason.\nWhen it comes to the West, the Bolts will come out on top once again, though Raiders could surprise some people. They have a fairly solid quarterback (Kerry "I played in a Super Bowl, remember?!" Collins) and the best receiver in the league (Randy "Get out of my way parking attendants" Moss. At the bottom of the division, the Chiefs and Broncos will stumble.\nOn the other side of the country, in the NFC -- the "Eastern Conference" of the NFL-- things should look better than in recent years.\nIn the East, the Eagles will tune out "As T.O.'s World Turns" on their way to capturing the crown. Parcell's boys will be tougher this year and make the playoffs behind Bledsoe and the other two teams -- well, the other two teams are the Redskins and Giants. Enough said.\nUp North, the Vikings will burn and pillage everyone in their division as the competition falls flat for the umpteenth time in recent history. In other news, the real-life Bad News Bears can be seen in person in the Windy City. Just look for the team with no quarterback or running back that has its starters still on the field in the third quarter of the preseason game.\nThe NFC South will have two of the strongest teams in the conference in the Falcons and the Panthers. Mike Vick will lead his squad to the division title while Carolina will rebound from an injury-plagued year last season to make the playoffs.\nAs we descend into the toilet, we come to the West. If we all cross our fingers, a team might finish above .500. The Rams will be far and away the best team in the division, becoming an offensive threat once again. Up in Seattle, an offense minus Koren Robinson should look a tad less, shall we say, intoxicated. Although some see Warner as Arizona's savior, trust me, there's no oasis in sight out in Phoenix.\nLastly, if it's a prediction for the big game in January you're looking for, the Dirty Birds of Atlanta will be there to face the Colts in a showdown of QBs. That's right, the Pats won't be there without their "wicked hawd" defense of the past, and Brady will have to look for work as Matt Damon's stunt double. \nAs for a winner, it's up to you to pick. I wouldn't want to jinx any specific team (Go Colts!). Just remember, when spouting off your own predictions, practice safe trash-talking and always use a column.