My dog is a liberal

My dog is a liberal. Cut her some slack. We come from a broken home -- my mother is a Democrat and my father is a Republican. It's really been very hard on us all. Audrey -- a Jack Russell Terrier named for my hero, Audrey Hepburn, is one of those dogs who thinks she's human (kind of like those liberals who think they are gods). \nA few days ago, we dropped in on my neighbor. A cardboard cut-out of President Bush proudly governs his living room. While I stopped to salute him (house rules), Audrey went berserk. She barked, growled and assaulted him, lunged at his leg and ferociously bit his foot. I grabbed her and tried to calm her down. As we eased towards the cut-out, the brat turned her head away. She wouldn't even look at poor George! That's when I started thinking. Audrey had never even seen George before, and here she was passing blind judgment and being downright rude. She was completely ignorant to the fact that George was made of cardboard and that he wasn't even the real thing. \nLiberals do that. They make a big stink over things they think are really important and then everything turns out to be completely irrelevant (or false!). \nLike liberals, Audrey is a fan of allowing other people to control her life. Instead of hunting for food, building shelter and taking on the other responsibilities of her existence, Audrey relies on me. Audrey has the same basic genetic make-up as a wolf, yet she chooses to deny her instincts in favor of a carefree, easy life based on the handouts that I am willing to provide. She sacrifices her freedom because she realizes freedom is hard work. If Audrey relied on herself for food, shelter and other basic responsibilities, she wouldn't be able to blame her successes or failures on anyone else. Instead, she is subjected to my whims. I feed her when I want to feed her; I take her out when I want to take her out. I get away with everything and Audrey loves me no matter what. She loves me because she relies on me. I say "come," and Audrey comes. I say "sit," and Audrey sits. She doesn't question me. She is blind to all thoughts. Liberals have an unabashed loyalty to more government because the government feeds them, shelters them and removes them from all responsibility -- literally. Big government only makes the dog's life easier. \nDon't get me wrong, Audrey truly is man's best friend. I mean, she cares about people -- just don't ask her to do anything about it. She is uninterested unless there is something in it for her. The war in Iraq? She is deeply concerned with the Iraqis' safety and their quality of life -- which is why she would have preferred to stand by and watch them be destroyed by blood-thirsty dictators. Our own country? Sure, she wants to be safe. She just feels that Saddam and Osama should be given the benefit of the doubt and that American soldiers are always in the wrong. \nIt's easy to understand why I keep her on a tight leash. Liberals that think and act like dogs belong in the doghouse. Too bad we can't teach Hillary Clinton, Ted Kennedy and Howard Dean to play dead.