Crashing Canseco

Jose Canseco on the new season of "Surreal Life"? The premise behind the VH1 reality show is placing seven once-popular celebrities in the same house, years removed from the height of their popularity, and watching the mayhem ensue. There have been exceptions to this formula, including models and "Real World" cast members (some of which appear so soon after their "Real World" experiences they might as well have moved from one house to the other), but all have been justified because they were never very popular to begin with. But Jose Canseco?\nGranted, the former Major League Baseball star hasn't played baseball for a few years, but his autobiography "Juiced" was released only earlier this year and the steroid debate it seemed to single-handedly spark is so provocative, ESPN still squeezes it into broadcasts even today and will continue to do so on slow news days for who knows how long. Without even reading the book, I am fully aware of its implications and know it deserves full blame for now having to hear about every single move Barry Bonds makes every single day, even when injured and obviously doing nothing remotely newsworthy.\nThis problem goes far beyond the Barry Bonds surveillance system and all the MLB records which may now be tarnished because kids are watching these broadcasts too.\nWhat people don't realize is that to kids in D.A.R.E. and similar classes everywhere, steroids are the only drugs that carry any appeal whatsoever.\nDrug education classes are always accompanied by images of the horrible human beings that use these substances. Tobacco and marijuana smokers are poorly clothed, depressed and mope around with bloodshot eyes and stink lines emitting from them. Alcohol users are desperate, irate and stumble around with X's over their eyes and air bubbles floating out of their mouths. Now why would anyone want to end up like that?\nThen there's the steroid user: larger-than-life muscle men with bulging biceps and chests so big they could pick on the Incredible Hulk. What's a 10-year-old boy to think when he finds out he can instantly become a superhero with a single shot?\nIronically, these programs are much more effective in preventing steroid use than any of the other, less appealing drugs. But what will kids think now as more and more professional athletes, not just baseball players, are either admitting or being accused of "juicing"? Now steroids won't just make you huge, it will land you a million dollar contract in the pros.\nThe steroid controversy needs to shift focus from the tainted accomplishments of its users to figuring out what the hell to tell these kids. Instead of putting Jose Canseco on reality shows to make more money off his infamy, maybe we should put him on an elementary school tour across the country.\nNo matter the resolution, it's obviously too soon for such a controversial figure to appear on "Surreal Life." I mean you won't see fellow housemate Bronson Pinchot (once Balkai Bartokomous on TV's "Perfect Strangers") appear at a Senate Committee Hearing anytime soon, will you?\nHopefully next season will return to the formula, and just in case you were wondering, Barry Bonds had a turkey sandwich for lunch today. Reports of whether it contained an illegal substance have not yet been confirmed, but the steak he's defrosted for dinner looks suspicious, so stay tuned.