Videodrones

If you're reading this in Ballantine Hall as you wait for your next class to start, you're wasting precious gaming time.\nAccording to a Reuters News Service article, Sony will be releasing its new PlayStation Portable, or PSP, March 24. The pocket-sized multimedia entertainment device will allow avid gamers to play their PlayStation games on the go.\nIf you think a new portable video game console is unnecessary, think again. Americans have scads of down time to fill, what with lunch breaks at work, long waits at the chiropractor's office and checkout lines at the quickie mart. Game Boys, laptops, cell phones and portable DVD players just aren't enough to speed up the passage of time, which can, no doubt, stretch upwards of 15 minutes!\nThe device is a godsend for the kind of parent who needs a DVD player in her SUV to keep her kids entertained during the arduous three-mile drive to the supermarket. With the aid of the PSP, little Spencer and Dakota can vegetate in the cart as well, staying out of mommy's hair and allowing her to pick up a loaf of low-carb bread in peace.\nAccording to www.keystoneinteractive.com, the average American kid only spends about 27 hours per week playing video games. Although we can't realistically expect to eliminate things like school and sleep from a child's schedule, we could easily cram in at least 10 more weekly hours of "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas" by supplying our kids with PSPs. That way, recess wouldn't be wasted on the monkey bars or on interaction with other kids. Bath time would be much more productive, not to mention dinner.\nAre things a little stale in the bedroom? Forget whipped cream and handcuffs -- spicing things up takes too much effort. Purchase a his 'n' hers pair of PSPs, and you'll never be troubled with romance worries again. Picture a relaxing nightly ritual of "Resident Evil 4" for the hubby and "Power Puff Girls" for the wifey, who, might I add, will never need to shave her legs again.\nIf you find yourself with the common problem of running out of ways in which to spend excessive amounts of money, consider that the PSP is being offered for $250. That's just for the actual console; game cartridges run about $40 a piece. Analysts predict the PSP will help raise global video game equipment sales to $11.1 billion in 2007, up from 2003's paltry $3.9 billion. With so few Americans in staggering debt, this news could not have come at a more opportune time.\nI remember a time way back in the '90s when people had to endure picnics and camping trips without electronic entertainment. They found themselves forced to learn about their surroundings and talk to their companions to stave off the state of profound reflection a person may find himself in after a few hours away from civilization.\nGod, that sucked. Let's make sure things never return to those days of human interaction again.\nAnd I don't know about you, but I can't wait to witness customers at Best Buy moaning into their cell phones about the horrible economy these days as they get ready to plunk down several hundred bucks for a PlayStation Portable and some game cartridges. I can only hope that existing gadgetry will provide adequate entertainment to keep the long weeks until March 24 from feeling like an eternity.\nIf you're still not convinced, keep in mind that Valentine's Day is next week. The PSP would make the perfect gift and provide hours of distraction for that nagging significant other or child who never shuts up about spending time together.\nWhat else are you gonna do -- read?