Iced out

Feb. 15, 2005 -- a date that will live in infamy. \nI feel like a piece of me has been ripped away, leaving me a partial version of my former self. A sport that was rapidly becoming America's new national pastime has gone the way of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. \nI hate to be the bearer of bad news, sports fans, but there will be no NHL season this year. Please stop crying. Yes, the sport that brought us household names like 2004 goals leader Ilya Kovalchuk and Miika Kiprusoff, who might be the best goalie since Terry Sawchuk, will not have a season this year because the owners and players couldn't come to a new working agreement. Just typing that last line gets me emotional ... I need a minute to compose myself. \nSure, TV ratings are way down for hockey (bowling beat it several times on ESPN last year), and I'm not sure if the five people in the United States who care about the NHL will even read this, but I can't suffer in silence any longer. \nThe last few months have been agonizing for me. Watching intently while Commissioner Gary Bettman and NHL Players' Association Executive Director Bob Goodenow played hard to get with each other was simply gut wrenching. They are exactly like Summer and Seth on "The O.C." Just kiss and make up already! Sheesh.\nWhat I miss about hockey is the skill involved. I mean, nothing beats watching glorified boxers on skates. Those 20 minutes of fighting highlights on ESPN shows every night are nothing short of magical. Stars like Krzysztof Oliwa, who totaled only five points last year but managed to rack up 247 penalty minutes, have made hockey what it is today. Seriously, the guy spends more time in the penalty box than Michael Jackson spends working through legal proceedings. \nI'll miss the storied franchises like the Atlanta Thrashers, Columbus Blue Jackets and the Carolina Hurricanes. Who could forget the Tampa Bay Lightning's miracle run to the 2004 Stanley Cup? Not even the NBA finals could rip me away from my hockey. I mean, who cares about the toppling of the soap-operatic dynasty that was the Lakers when I can watch guys whose names I can't pronounce play a sport whose rules I don't understand? \nSpeaking of other sports, what am I going to watch without the NHL around? The hockey season lasts from October until June -- that's nine months. What could possibly replace it? College football, the NFL, the World Series, college basketball, the NBA and 4,000 replays of the World Series of Poker just can't fill the void. \nIf you don't sympathize with me, think of what Canada is going through. Sports Illustrated says our neighbor to the north could lose as much as $170 million in revenue from hockey's absence. "America Jr." simply can't take a hit like that. I mean, Canada's only useful exports are cheap prescription drugs, Jim Carrey (before he became a serious actor) and those Labatt Blue commercials. Without the NHL, they'll start leaching off of us, then irrationally blaming America for their problems, like Mexico or France. \nThe issue surrounding the end of the NHL season is the inability of the players and owners to agree to some kind of salary cap and reduction of total player salaries. This discussion really relates directly to the fans, which is why it is getting so much press. I mean, listening to billionaires tell millionaires that they need to earn less to save the sport they love is a problem everyone can relate to. Then, of course, hearing the millionaires complain about making less money only increases the public's sympathy for them. After all, like Latrell Sprewell, they have families to feed. \nI mean, it is easy to see why everyone is so upset ... right?