A flawless plan from a busy man

Do you ever feel like there are just not enough hours in the day? Do you constantly find yourself pulling all-nighters just to get your work done? If this sounds familiar, I have the solution for you.\nThe answer is really quite simple. You might not realize it, but we all spend a huge portion of our lives talking to people. These conversations waste huge amounts of time. So instead of using whole words in daily conversation, I've decided to cut down on the unnecessary syllables.\nNow, I know what you're thinking: "Matt, you already don't make any sense. How am I going to understand you if you don't even use the English language to its fullest capacity?"\nThis is a good point, and one which I have taken into careful consideration. I've found that if this trick is used properly and responsibly, there should be no repercussions to the quality of conversation.\nSo just how does it work? \nWell, first you must be careful when choosing which words you shorten. Not all words are equal candidates for this exercise. For example, a good shorten would be from "necessary" to "nes" (pronounced as in the Loch NESS monster). I could say to someone, "I don't take showers too often. I don't think it's really nes," and I would have shaved off valuable time from the conversation that I could then use to do any number of things.\nI must warn you, though, be careful, some words can be dangerously misinterpreted when shortened. Case in point, if I mean to say, "I like to exercise," I should, under no circumstances, say, "I like to ex," (which could be construed as meaning ecstasy) unless I truly mean to convey my love of hardcore drugs.\nDon't fret, though, for every bad example there is a good one, the use of which will make you sound both cool and not wasteful at the same time. For example, I no longer write with Sharpies. Instead, I use multicolored "Sharps."\nWait, what is this troubled look on your face? Do you not have faith in my new system of speech? Well, unfortunately I could find no study which focused on how many hours people spent talking every day to back up this obviously flawless system. However, I have done a few calculations on my own.\nPretend that you spent a total of 3 hours a day talking to people. This includes everything from the brief greeting to the long chats with significant others. Now, if you could cut down one minute a day by using shortened words, think of how that would add up.\nUsing this system alone can virtually add almost half a year to your life! And just think about how much more effective it would be if you shaved two or three minutes of talking off of each day. The possibilities are endless.\nI must put another disclaimer on this system, though. There are times when shortening words will cause you more trouble than it's worth. For example, do not shorten words in an English paper. From my experience, professors tend to frown on this type of thing (I think they're just jealous they didn't think of it).\nHopefully, with some time, the IU campus will find the error in its "whole word" ways and turn to the very logical system of shortening. I can't wait for the day when a stranger walks up to me, and I hear him say, "Wow Matt, you really changed my li"