The missing X-chromosome

With voting day approaching, it's become clear the major stake in this presidential election is not the economy, healthcare or even tactics to prevent terrorism. Decision 2004 seeks to prove only one thing: which candidate is least likely to have a vagina. \nIt's a well-known fact that the last thing the majority of Americans wants in the White House is a woman, and by the looks of both campaigns, this is merely a testosterone litmus test. \nToday's politicians lob gender buzzwords "war hero" and "girlie-man," "sensitive" and "tough on terror" like balls on a tennis court. Will either of these balls score with America? \nThe campaigns went full throttle into macho mayhem one August day in California, when Gov. Conan the Barbarian nicknamed Democrats "girlie-men" during a budgetary battle. Shortly thereafter, Conan again referred to his party's opponents as "girlie-men" at the Republican National Convention, rousing much support from GOP constituents. \nThis statement came from a man who once wore a loin cloth. \nGirlie-men: sissy, sensitive, economically cautious on war-spending, soft-on-terror Democrats. \nAt the Unity 2004 conference in Washington, Sen. John Kerry became suspect to that nether region between the two genders. He told journalists he believed America could fight "a more effective, more thoughtful, more strategic, more pro-active, more sensitive war on terror that reaches out to other nations and brings them to our side." From that long-winded list of adjectives, guess which one Cheney chose to bludgeon to death. \n"A 'sensitive' war will not destroy the evil men who killed 3,000 Americans and who seek the chemical, nuclear and biological weapons to kill hundreds of thousands more," said Cheney, according to a www.cnn.com article. "The men who beheaded Daniel Pearl and Paul Johnson will not be impressed by our 'sensitivity.'" \nSick 'em, Dick. \nDespite the fact that the word "sensitive" is clearly taken out of context, the evidence remains. In times like these, America can't afford a president so careless with feminine-sounding words. Any man who freely spouts "thoughtful" and "sensitive" can't possibly be a pure-bred man. \nWith that, the country acknowledges Kerry's extra X-chromosome, and Bush once again reins Alpha-male in chief.\nHow did Kerry go from decorated war hero to flimsy, "flip-flopping" wuss? It certainly couldn't have been a result of an un-masculine lexicon in a press conference. After all, that pit-bull president used the word "sensitive" similarly in March 2001, when he explained how the U.S. should express its power and influence (www.cnn.com). \nAll it took was one book and a commercial by a Republican-touting organization called Swift Boat Veterans for Truth to reverse Kerry's national image. \nThe advertisement asserts Kerry didn't earn his Purple Heart medals while serving in Vietnam, even though none of the men rejecting Kerry's war account served on his swift boat, and all of the men who did serve with him assure that Kerry's account is accurate. \nMany Americans take the ads at face value. According to CNN, 46 percent of viewers polled believe Kerry lied about his service. The media emphasis on the swift boat stink is not about what happened more than 30 years ago; it's a question of masculinity. \nThe pivotal point of this election is a matter of brawn, and an unaccredited commercial will significantly affect the outcome of the polls. \nAmerica is ultimately responsible for demanding a real debate on real issues. Instead, Republicans and Democrats alike are buying into the propaganda. It's time for the American voter to grow a conscience. \nOn second thought, voting is such a hassle. Let 'em joust it out on American Gladiators.