Mascots are cheap cheap, fun fun

So I'm from St. Louis. It's a city too small to compete with Chicago but too big to actually be considered part of Missouri. But St. Louis isn't so bad. Where else can you find such flamboyant and joyous area franchise mascots like Becky Queen of Carpets, the Dirt Cheap bird and Mr. Happy Crack? Perhaps other cities have well-known mascots as well, but ours are just more colorful.\nFor those of you who are not fortunate enough to live in a city with such crazy characters -- all three of whom appear in local TV advertisements and whose popularity abounds -- let me explain who these three St. Louis friends are:\n• Becky Queen of Carpets owns Becky's Carpet & Tile Superstore, a well-known area flooring store. In her TV ads, Becky, herself, is famous for dressing in sequined gowns and cheesy crowns and flying around the arch on a magic carpet. \n• The Dirt Cheap bird is nasty. Dirt Cheap Cigarettes & Beer is nothing more than that, a store selling cigarettes and beer for dirt cheap prices. In it's TV advertisements, which only air during late-night reruns, a man dresses up as a chicken in a red and white striped swimming suit and runs around the store chirping "Cheap Cheap Fun Fun!" Then the owner advises men to buy liquor from him because "the more she drinks, the better you'll look." Finally, the man thanks St. Louisans for their business because he is the "last refuge of the persecuted smoker." \n• Finally -- and in my opinion, the most fun of the three mascots -- Mr. Happy Crack! Let's take a moment to think about who Mr. Happy Crack could possibly be. Well, if you guessed that Mr. Happy Crack is the "celebrated and internationally known" mascot of famous St. Louis foundation repairs specialist The Crack Team, then you guessed right! \nMr. Happy Crack is a large foundation crack with arms and legs who wears a hat. Every once in a while, he stands on a street corner and hands out T-shirts printed with his picture and his celebrated slogan: "A Dry Crack is a Happy Crack!" (I have one in bright pink!) If you are lucky enough to live in Kansas City or Chicago, The Crack Team has recently opened franchises in your city, so you too can witness Mr. Happy Crack defeat his arch nemesis, Louie the Leak. He's all over the place: on the sides of buses, TV and T-shirts. \nThese characters might be silly, but damn do we St. Louisans know them. And isn't that the point? These places need publicity, and only in St. Louis would they be this beloved. When people have carpet needs, Becky wants them to think of her before they think of Above & Beyond Carpet. Honestly, who is that? \nThe purpose of mascots is to get a name out to potential clients. If I owned a monotonous company, I too would want to get my name out in a different and interesting way. So, why don't more companies have mascots? When I watch late night TV here, I don't see friendly faces representing Big Red Liquors, Jiffy Treet or Pizza Express. And if I wanted to redo my wall treatments here in Bloomington, what sets Bloomington Paint and Wallpaper Co. apart from Sherwin-Williams? Neither have a cute and enthusiastic mascot. \nClearly it is beneficial for companies with fierce competition to create clever mascots. Seriously, you wish you could hire a company with a mascot named Mr. Happy Crack, don't you?