Highfalutin phraseology

Days later, the reminiscence of that missed shot still haunts me -- it was a combination -- the six ball into the nine ball into the corner pocket -- that would have ended the game, but alas, it was for naught. I went on to lose the game, and with it the moniker I coveted so dearly.\nRecently, I played a game of pool with a friend of mine, who happens to be a physics major. Having already bested a mutual associate for the title, Master of the Universe, he challenged me to a game for an accolade far more coveted by we English majors -- the title of Deconstructionist of the Universe. And he defeated me, all because I, with the brash arrogance of a child playing his first game of nine ball, went for the combination instead of trying to sink the six ball.\nThis friend and our trash-talking science major compadres elevated the billiards match to a mythical battle of titans resolving once and for all the age-old question -- Which is superior, science or the humanities?\nI know my comrades were being facetious in their claims such a question can be answered by a game that involves hitting balls with sticks into the corners and sides of tables made of several tons of slate. Everyone knows such questions can only be answered by games that involve hitting a ball with paddles back and forth over a net on the middle of a table made of wood. I also cannot blame my companions for so exalting their chosen area of study. The rigor of a scientific education cannot be denied, nor can the intelligence of those who chose to undertake it, nor can the potential benefits both financial and spiritual may be garnered.\nThat said, I must mount a defense of a humanistic education. In doing so, I have no intention of treading upon the glories of physics, chemistry, mathematics and the like. I do not want to make the assertion, as many of my fellow humanistic intellectuals have in the past, philosophy, literature and art are in any way superior to the "hard" sciences, or the humanities are essential to thinking intelligently about the world in which we live.\nThe benefits of an education in any of the humanistic disciplines, however, remain unparalleled. For instance, who but an English major would formulate the convoluted sentence structures and highfalutin phraseology present in this very column?\nLearning the humanities is akin to learning a foreign language, but this particular tongue is the language of cultural discourse, and learning it allows one to navigate cultural waters with a keen critical eye. Students of literature or philosophy are able to place aspects of contemporary culture in a broader context of tradition, as well as see the interconnectedness of all things. They cannot only comprehend this cultural language, but master it, as well, communicating with effectiveness and self-confidence. I have frequently joked with friends, "I'm an English major -- would you like fries with that?" \nBut believe it or not, we humanities people do have skills marketable in the "real" world (the very existence of which can be deconstructed by the best among us), the likes of which cannot be fathomed by those who spend their days cooped up in a laboratory.\nSo, to all of you science majors reveling in your smugness, I say fie! The humanistic mind is as much a desideratum as the scientific. You can have your wave functions and your integrals, and we'll keep our Sartre and Derrida. And you had better watch out, because I'll be practicing. Never again shall I fail in my quest to vanquish the nine ball and banish it to the prison of the corner pocket.