Get your geek on

(Cue soft, smooth R&B in the background.)\nAww, yeah. It's spring. The grass is green, the birds and the bees are doing what they do and much of campus seems impatient to put their secondary sex characteristics on display. Yup, it's the time for love. But not all is well here in the Opinion Page Groove Lounge. For the past couple of weeks (see March 30, April 5), my brother and sister columnists have been nursing their wounds, sustained as embedded journalists covering the war of the sexes. And while those wounds are not the same, one complaint seems to get whispered softly, again and again, as they share a gaze with the olives in their martinis, "Where have all the good mates gone? Whatever happened to chivalry?"\nOK then, two complaints.\nWell, fear not lonely hearts, the (unlicensed) doctor of love has got a cure. But first a puzzle -- with more than 35,000 students in a town of 100,000 in a world connected by the Internet, why has it become so tough to find a good, decent, chivalrous mate? Or at least someone to warm the sheets as you keep looking? Now here's another question -- be patient, baby, the doctor's coming to a point -- do you know the name of the two-legged creature Luke Skywalker and Han Solo ride across the frozen planet Hoth? Or do you know who holds the major league record for career strikeouts (but suck at baseball)? Do you like Emily Dickinson poems? How about, do you have all the Harry Potter books? Enjoy show tunes? Are there old X-Men comics moldering under your bed at home? Ever been to a Renaissance Fair? In costume? \nIf you answered yes to any of these, then you're a geek. But don't worry, child, we're all geeks. Especially columnists. Especially grad students. And, yes, the doctor, is the grand high, class 10 (+2 to magic missile) wizard of geeks.\nBut most of us are geeks in denial. Closet geeks. Unlike the cats that dress up as elves at "Lord of the Rings" previews, we try to conceal our geekdom from the world. And when we tour the scene on the make for mates, we steer clear of our fellow geeks. Instead, we go for whoever looks, sounds and acts the way we think that chick on the cover of Maxim or the lead singer in that music video would. And, aside from being toned like an Australian surfing champ, nothing covers geekiness like bling. Why do you think rappers wear so much of it? Now, hold on there, hold on. The doctor saw how you crinkled up your little chipmunk nose. You're thinking the doctor is nuts. You're thinking the doctor's suggesting you lower your standards. Suggesting you hook up with someone who wears velvet capes and tights when it's not Halloween, and talks to their cats. But the doctor ain't suggesting any such thing. There's plenty of crazy folks in this world, and they're best left to themselves (believe the doctor, he knows)\nNo, the doctor says the secret is to look for real people, not 2-D airbrushed, choreographed, carefully lighted people wearing rouge to bring out their cheekbones. Real people are the only source of nookie we've got. At least until science comes up with a virtual reality codpiece. And that's not to mention love. So give the other geeks a chance. But, baby, stay clear of those folks who claim to speak Klingon. They're weird.