Sex, lies and cell phones

Ah, love is in the air. The flowers have been ordered, the teddy bears and chocolates have been purchased and the romantic dinner for two has been arranged. It must be Valentine's Day. \nWell, the flowers are dead, I lost the teddy bear, ate the chocolate and can't remember which restaurant I made the reservation at. \nIt's a good thing I don't have a date. \nI know you're all shocked and perplexed. Right now, you're looking at my mug and saying, "Wow, if this guy doesn't have a date, how the heck am I gonna get one?"\nWell, it's simple. Become a collegiate athlete. It's worked for thousands, if not millions, of guys in the past. You don't even have to be good. Just throw on a jersey, and all your dating woes are cured. \nLook at the St. John's basketball team. They haven't even won a conference game, yet six of their players got in trouble for loving the same girl -- for $200 an hour, mind you. \nHa! These kids are athletes. Someone forgot to tell their date they don't pick up the bill -- that's the athletic department's job. Some big fire-"Storm" ensued: she accused them of rape, one of the kids recorded something on his cell phone, she got arrested, it was all very sexy. Unfortunately for three of the players, this will probably be the last time they get to use the "Hey, I play basketball" line, as they were booted off the team. \nSo what she was a 38-year-old Pittsburgh hooker? Anyone who has spent time in western Pennsylvania knows Playboy's recruiters have eliminated it from the map, but a date is still a date.\nLet's move to Boulder, Colorado. Love is abound in the Mile High State. For years, University of Colorado football recruits have been treated to trysts with women any time they want. \nImagine flying in from Manning, S.C., making your first college visit. You get off the plane, see the mountains, meet the coach, see the campus, oh yes, and then pay a visit to the local strip club. You gotta show the athlete some love, why the big fuss? These guys are just preparing this recruit for what he has to look forward to for his next four years. Isn't that what a college visit is all about? \nSteve Lower, president of Hardbodies Entertainment, Inc., seems to think so. \n"It's a tradition, like throwing a bachelor party," he said in an interview with the Associated Press. "It's a tradition handed down from player to player to player."\nSee? But boys, it's crossing the line into the illegal activity that gets you into trouble. These jerseys players don seem to give them some sense of invincibility. I mean, with all these parties with girls saying, "Yes, Yes, Yes," they don't know how to handle themselves when one says, "No!" \nIt's the environment that has been created in these situations. In no way am I condoning what the players did, but girls, you know what those parties are like. I know I do. Don't go. Stay home, find a special someone who doesn't wear a jersey. There are at least 10,000 guys on your campus who, like me, are dateless.\nNow, no matter the dangers that persist, some girls just find athletes irresistible. So I offer you lovely ladies a compromise. Stroll on over to the nearest intramural fields and courts -- there are hundreds of guys a night playing basketball, football and softball. Sure they're not getting paid to play, but you're not in it for the money, right? It's just the sweat and competition that gets you. \nMy intramural softball team went to the Elite Eight, my football team won four games and currently, my basketball team is undefeated, so I'll pick you up around eight.