Keep America funny

The following is an advisory from the National Institute of Not Funny. \nIt has come to our attention that a certain tidbit of observational humor has now become so unashamedly overused we have no choice but to take immediate action. In the interest of the tired joke, its many variations and the victims of its use, we are hereby declaring its retirement from American society.\nFrom now on, it shall no longer be socially acceptable to use the terms "male," "men" or "husband" in reference to their affection for, relationship with or adhesion to their remote controls. \nCombining these concepts with humorous intent will now be punishable by stone-cold silence. \nOur decision is based on evidence that though the joke might have been derived from some truth at its conception, its lingering adorableness has been long worn by the observation's ongoing abuse. It has been needlessly thrust into many a situational comedy, haphazardly dropped into a number of commercial radio spots and carelessly reprised by just about anyone who is looking for a quick laugh but doesn't have the time or wit to think of an original quip.\nOur research has compelled us to also place other jokes on the endangered list, as the Institute has made several other startling deductions. In an experiment exposing male subjects to sports, we discovered there were many who did not react with animal-like behavior, or even delight. Also, through extensive microbiological testing, we have proven that the "shop or die" gene is absent in many American women. Further anthropological observation has revealed they are even capable of visiting the restroom one at a time. Information on how these revelations will affect hackneyed humor in the future is forthcoming. \nIn accordance with the news in this advisory, we are placing a bounty on the head of one Raymond Romano. It appears that Romano's television series, "Everybody loves Raymond," is in violation with every one of the Institute's policies. Not only is Romano guilty of innumerable counts of Cutesy-Wutesy Gender Humor, he is also charged on the grounds of Irrevocably Lame Premise and Alienation of All Who are Not 35.\nOn the contrary, we would like to point out one character who may remain an exception to the aforementioned rules. Garrison Keillor, you are hereby granted permission to proceed with all efforts of generalization humor as "A Prairie Home Companion" on National Public Radio continues to charm millions of Americans each week. Your talent transcends any restraints the Institute attempts to put on the general public. \nWe must now look to you, the people, for your help in our mission to eradicate the male-remote combination from our nation's joke bank. If you hear the crack being used in any forum, public or private, please cover the ears of any potential listeners, especially the children. Encourage your fellow men and women, particularly the ones involved in creative outlets, to take a little time and imagination to come up with a unique observation of everyday life before they thoughtlessly inject a sorry old one into their projects. It's true, their own comedic brainchildren may turn out equally lame, but it beats the embarrassment of being caught with a well-worn cliché. \nAwareness is the answer to this nauseating problem, and we appreciate the time you've taken to become aware today. We thank you for your cooperation and wish all of you a good day and a funny future.